Monday, February 13, 2006

To be botak or not to be botak

Woakay, i know i shouldn't be like worrying, but recently i noticed that my hair is dropping like leaves during autumn. Not like i am afraid of becoming bald, but the fact that it's dropping bit by bit makes me kinda, err , scared? Ha-ha. HELPP!!!!! I AM BECOMING BALD HELP ME!!!!

Okay, enough of that ha-ha, the hair will regrow again someday (i hope ha-ha, depending on God's grace again), so shouldn't worry too much about it. It's weird though, this bald effect only become rapid after more than a week from my last chemotherapy, zhi yong any explanation on this? (ure the doctor brother, or maybe Joyce can explain too? heard that pharmacist are the ones that prepared all the chemo drugs)

Well, well, some people ask why a "good" person (buahahaha, people call me good) like me still gets leukemia, seems kinda unfair, that's what they said. But honestly, i don't think i am that good at all. Yeah, i may be good at the outside, but sometimes the thoughts in my mind are somehow just pure evil i can say, for example using friends to gain personal advantage or perhaps playing music to impress others instead of God, no one could see the heart, which is why some call me good but in reality i am not so good after all.

Which is why i rejoice when God gave me this sickness, it allows me to see many things much more clearly through His eyes and able to repent on some of my old and foolish ways. During the time i was healthy, when i was happy, i always forget about God and always only think about me me me; and when i was sad (perhaps because of bad exam results etc), then i start blaming God even though i know i shouldn't. But with this sickness, i now depend on God's grace to live each day, and have a constant reminder that my life is and always will be in His hands and i can never live without Him. Just as the "Purpose Driven Life" book has written, that this weakness i have will be allow me to trust God 24/7 and depend on His strength, not my own (My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:9a). Never to run from Him every again but allow Him to be the master of everything.

So, i know that during my life journey there will be times i will fall away as i am not perfect.... yet (well nobody is, until we like errr die?), so brother and sister in Christ please remind me to go back in track then ya, ha-ha! Hmm, now about my hair, heard that if it all falls off and it comes out again, it could change completely like becoming curly or perhaps blond? Ha-ha.

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