Friday, September 01, 2006

To the farm we go...

Well, let’s see…

Went to the farm today, but it was almost the same as staying back home. That’s because I slept for half of the day there, and when I woke up I was using my laptop to play games and erm write this blog. So yeah, about the same as just staying at home, but then again, perhaps the air is fresher here as it’s far from the city, and there are animals wandering about and it’s good to have a different scenery while typing my blog anyways.

Really thank God that my shingles finally cured up, don’t need to bother my mom anymore to keep changing the dressing on the wound and putting cream 3 times a day, and I can avoid the horrific sight of the shingles and of course the itchiness and pain that comes with it sometimes. But somehow, deep inside me hopes that the shingles wouldn’t cure that fast, that’s because the faster the wound cures, the faster it would mean for me to go back to the hospital for the next chemotherapy (which I guess should be next Monday)… talk about the irony.

But having this super long break in between chemotherapy because of the shingles somehow… hmm how should I describe it… perhaps the word guilty would be best to say it. It feels like seeing an old lady trying to cross the street or a blind man standing in a bus while you’re sitting comfortably on a chair, you know the right thing to do is to help them, but yet somehow you don’t dare to do it because you are afraid of what others think about you and you’re focusing more on your own comfort. Well, for me I don’t think I care less about what others think about me since I am just going to the hospital and not like anyone is seeing me or anything, it’s more of the comfortable part. I know that I must go back to the hospital for chemo so that I would be able to have a higher percentage for a full recovery, but yet somehow I just want to stay comfortable at home, sleeping, playing and slacking at my own pleasure and time. ARGHhh! Good things just doesn’t come easily I guess.

The last red drug that I took, plus the stress of the shingles (I think) has made me completely bald once again, and after a month or so of growing (which I think it wouldn’t even grow more than a millimeter) I think it would drop again when I take the blue drug. It would be a good thing though, that means I don’t need to waste the nurses effort to change the hospital bed sheet everyday because of the hair that drops everywhere, and that would mean that I could sleep later in the morning and not get disturb by them as I don’t need to move because of the changing of bed sheets.

The chemotherapy this time is really testing my self-control too. For example, I really like to drink coke, but the last time I tried that drink it made me really nausea. So I was like regretting and telling my mom how I won’t drink that poison anymore. But not too soon, the next time I went out to eat at a restaurant and had the chance to order anything I want, I would tend to order coke again, thinking that perhaps this time would be different. But yeah, it wasn’t any different than the last time. Ughh…

Hmm… perhaps going to the farm wasn’t all that bad. Dad gave me the chance to drive back a short distance so I get to brush up my driving skills a little. But I almost ended up getting everyone killed instead, ha-ha. Okay, maybe it’s not a laughing matter or anything to boast about, but I thank God for the many times which He protected me from all these accidents, knowing how bad my driving is, and I think the number of chances are running thin, too. But still, thank God for His grace and mercy in protecting me from near accidents after near accidents. It seems to me like every time I drive, something like this would definitely happen… talk about my lousy driving. Well, unless I am driving in some isolated area, than perhaps this would not happen, for example: housing areas… or maybe it would? Guess I got to train like everyday when I complete my treatment.

Now I guess no one wants to sit my car… IF I get the chance to drive.