Friday, March 24, 2006

In all things, give thanks!

Alrighty, just got back from the doctor today for my check-up, white blood count was okay and my blood pallete has rise to a normal level, problem is with my hemoglobin count, still quite low, so i still get tired quite easily, but other than that, really praise God for the good news. Oh yeah, got to go back to the hospital next friday for another bone marrow test and LP procedure, but still, thank God that those only takes a day to complete and a few hours rest will allow me to go home, keke.

Hmmm, another thing to thank God for is that i manage to survive the previous treatment. That one really was terrible, first it was the ulcers at my tongue that hurt so bad i couldn't sleep well and eat, then later it was the fever that cause me mentally and physically so tired as every night i have all these weird dreams (most of the time what i watch on TV that day i will dream of it the whole night, once i dreamt about me being some lorry driver, and i was like thinking how come i need to work even though i am in the hospital, haha) and my body becomes either too hot or shiver violently, causing me to stress out completely. And when all those became well after my white blood cell came back to normal, the infection around my anus starts to hurt so bad that i couldn't sleep as well and move about properly. That whole thing may be only a week plus plus, but it was so stressful i could say, that i was thinking about sucide on some of the nights when i was having fever (was like having thoughts of jumping of the building or perhaps having some kind of injection that would let me sleep forever). I really thank God that only through His strength and the hope in Jesus Christ that i was able to survive that period of time when i didn't have any white cells and the body was surviving from all those infections through antibiotics.

Suffering it may be, but yeapz, just as the bible says, through trials and perservering through them could i only grow much much stronger in the Lord, depending on Him with everything i got, and knowing that it is only by grace that i survive each day. When i am healthy and strong, i always tend to forget how much i need Him. But when we are weak, we know that we as human beings can't do anything anymore and we put all our hope and trust in the Lord, as only our Heavenly Father has the power to deliver us from all these pain and sufferings, for He's the Lord of all.

Then again, as now i am at home, and able to do most of the things normally again (except the fact that i get tired really easily, keke), i really got to praise the Lord for His mercy, grace and love that He showered upon me. Really really glad that i am able to stay at home and not in the hospital, as i would really become crazy then, haha, the stress was horrible i must say, but i am glad it was over. Hmm, on second thought gonna have another of this heavy chemotheraphy dose at week 33, but why worry now? Ha-ha. Rejoice in the Lord!

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Amazing Love


And thank you Lord God for allowing me to go home today to rest. For healing all my pain and sufferings, and allowing me to see the light through my darkest hour, for preserving me when i couldn't take it anymore, and giving me the strength that i need when i was so weak, protecting me from any life threatening infections......

And the list goes on and on, keke. Will update my journal on what happened during the previous week, for that's a lot of things to write i guess and today i just want to rest, sweet rest at the comfort of my own home.

But just got to write this on my journal by today to thank God, for all He's done. He's been really great to me.

Friday, March 10, 2006


Alright, for the past few days my body was like, woah!!!! Well, that's because my body somehow seems to be failing just like what the doctor said. My white cells and red cells dropped to a low, and my body seems to be getting all those infections and stuff like that, for example the weird ulcers on my tongue which prevents me from eating as it hurts really bad, but the fever was the worst though, cold for the first hour, groggy the next and hot for the other two hours.

But one thing about having a fever though, is when everything starts to calm down and your body starts to recover, for that few hours (for me i guess), is like, how to say, heaven i can say, the temperature seems so pleasant and everything seems to be going so fine, God's little blessing i say?

Then again, after that i got to suffer the whole process one more time keke, so really need your prayers and hope that i will not get any serious infection and pray that this fever will not torture me any longer. Pray that i will have the strength too, to be able to recover and succumb to all trials and temptations that come my way during my recovery, according to God's grace.

Alright, better not be writing so long, still have a slight fever, or maybe not, as the thermometer which they use to check on my ears has an error scale of like 5-10 degrees Celsius, so it could be a fever and not a fever at the same time, and both ears have a different reading somehow.

Anywayz, thank God for everything i must say especially the strength to update my journal he he, yeah, sometimes it's hard, but trust in the Lord, and persevere till the end, for His plans are perfect.

P/S: will be praying for the Gospel Camp guys, hope u have a good time keke!

Friday, March 03, 2006


Haha, okay, when i don't update my journal for a long time, there's two reasons: one would be i am just too tired till i knock-out because of the chemotherapy or maybe because my brain just can't seem to function well, and the second would be because i am back to normal again so i got lazy to write my journal keke.

Well, thank God it's the latter for now. Able to recover, regaining my appetite once again, and free from those 24 hours drips. Yeah!!! FREEDOM MAN FREEDOM!!! WOO-HOO!!! Eh, although i know the freedom of movement will be short lived for now, but yet, able to move freely for a day or two seems like a joy to me keke, the little things in life. Then again, this reminds me, that in Jesus Christ, we are FREE from the clutches of sin and death, gaining eternal life to all who believes and receives Him through His grace. And that's something to rejoice daily, knowing that this disease that no man could ever heal, has been personally removed by Christ Jesus our Lord, to set us all free, once and for all, not just a day or two, but for eternity.

So, seems like my body is recovering back to normal, having these allergies and rashes though, not sure what's the problem actually, but taking pills and antibiotics to fend them off. Oh yeah, despite the recovery, my white blood cells are in fact dropping continuously as each day past, the delayed effects of the chemotherapy that's what the doctor says. Most probably i would be in total isolation by next week as my white blood cell count would drop to the dangerous level gradually, and when it steadily increases again, then yeaps, would be free to go home, yay! But nevertheless pray for me yeah? Don't want to get infected or anything while being isolated or it will turn up kind of messy, if you know what i mean.

Anyways, all in all, thank God for another beautiful day once again, and for showing me all the little blessings i have when i was healthy, which i always took for granted then.