Dumdeedum

Ha-ha, okay, couldn't play much computer games as i am really weak, so thought of writing that weird essay instead.

Hmmm, the chemo drugged used these 2 days (yesterday and today) were DARK BLUE in colour!!! It's the same as the drink pepsi blue, really cool, but really too strong for the body. Totally lost my appetitde to eat, and i am always like sleepy nowadays. Thank God this chemotherarphy only last for 4 days, and i would be free again, under observation in the hospital though, and pray that i would not get any infection once again ha-ha.

The room i am currently staying at has a leak at the roof, and it kinda wet my stuff on days when it rains, there are other rooms at other wards but i would prefer to be changed to a room of the same ward, basically because i trust the nurses more and i know them better after staying 1 month in here previously.

But still, all in all, praise the Lord hehe.

Friends

SECTION B: AESHTETIC STRAND

(20 marks)

From the picture given write a response of approximately 250 words on pages 18 to 20. Your response must be one of the following:

• A narrative
• A description
• A personal reflective piece
• A letter

Hmmm, college life, how can i express it? Seems scary at the beginning, stressed out with work in the middle and insanely fun during the final part of the year while I was studying SAM in Taylor's college. One thing i really enjoy about being in college, besides the fact that you can come late, or you can eat in class, or bring anything you want without getting punished (like handphones etc.), or run out of class half-way to buy a bottle of coke, is that I was able to not care about homework unlike secondary school, where homeworks pile up till you kind of like die because you suffocated in it, or while doing it. But students who are still studying, don't try this, at college.

Okay, so how was the first day of college for me? Well, honestly i can't remember what happened during the first day of college as my mind was rather hazy, most probably because of the new environment. But i do remember that on the first few days of college, i made a lot of assumptions on the people in my class, something i always do before i actually know them.

I remembered there was one time during English lesson that we had to categorize certain things to certain groups. When it was time to tell out our answers, i remember most of the students, when knowing their answers are wrong, will immediately just keep quiet and sit down after teacher have like correct them, but there was this one student, Wen Khyn, who kind of like fight back with all the others saying his answer was right or something like that. So that time i thought he was like err a little snobbish. And sitting beside him was Qi Guang, that time my impression of him only was "perfect in English" as the way he speaks justifies it.

Then i remembered there was these 2 fellas who always got scolding from the English teacher even at the first few weeks for coming in late (i remembered their excuse was: cannot find parking that's why late). One of them was wearing a earring, and i was like: "goodness, there's a pair of gangster in my class!" That's my first assumption of them.

And then there were the Singaporeans and Johoreans who were always sitting at the front row from the beginning of the year till like the end. I was afraid of Wei Qi in particular because he talks too much, Wilson seems unstable in the beginning, and Ernest seems like another gangster type because of his dyed hair, which kind of make me want to stay away from him.

Then there are the Sarawakians, rather quiet, and still quiet till the end of the year. Regretted knowing them better, especially Adrian, really want to see how he's like when he becomes all talkative and cheerful. And there's Kai Shien, thought i saw him somewhere before, later i realised that he was studying in Catholic High with me till form 3 when he transferred out.

Finally the girls, well, from the beginning Amy and E-Ling seems to be the hardworking type as they copy almost every single note, even those erm, not so important ones i should say, ha-ha. Karen, hmmm, i had the assumption that she loves to mingle around with people and talk a lot, as from the first day she was already sitting with a guy, while the rest is like, sitting with the same gender. And she kind of like started to boss around even during the first few weeks when each of us barely knows each other! Then there's Yean May, remembered she transferred a little late, but she had the smart look, that's what i think, and it was what she is.

Oh yeah, last but not least, there's this fellow who was sitting alone, like me, during the first week, everyone else kinda like had someone as a partner beside them, except me and that dude. So, it was (again?) during English lesson that we had to sit together as we need to pair up for some oral presentation. I remembered we got everything planned up, we know our parts, but i let him presented it alone as i had a headache and went back home early on the presentation day, cruel eh? (eh sorry ah jia harng ha ha) And i remembered one of the days i went to Serdang with my mom to eat a bowl of mee for lunch, and i saw this friend of mine, riding his bike (illegally) and buying mee from the same stall i was at. I was like, no kidding man, this guy goes all the way from Serdang to Taylor's college? Well, at least that gave me a topic to start talking to him, and thank God he was one of my first friends.

You see, if it wasn't for him, first i would be sitting alone in class, then i would be sitting alone in the library during lunch break and like do homework and eat bread that cost RM1.20 to fill my stomach in class, and i wouldn't be able to mingle around with the other classmates because of him.

Hmm, okay so he was my first friend in college. My second friends were the "gangsters". From my perspective, we know each other better during chemistry lab period, as all four of us (the 2 gangsters, me and jia harng) were sitting at the same table. And what happened was the weirdest way to know each other. Alright, so i was getting bored with chemistry lesson and started playing with the water taps that could rotate till i targeted one of the "gangsters", and jokingly told jia harng about how we could use it to splash him. To my horror, that's what he actually did (well, that's because both of us thought that the water pressure wasn't strong enough), and Kin Eu was stunned like 5-8 seconds before realising that the water was splashing at him. Trying to off the tap, the tap cap came off instead and it took even longer to close it. I thought Kin Eu would go all furious but we just laugh our heads off instead, together with me, jia harng and wai soon. And that's when we started to go out for lunch, four's a crowd (well, actually 3).

The Singaporeans? Making friends with them was another weird way. Well, i know they play DoTA as they speak of it publicly in class allowing the whole world to know. I wanted to play DoTA with them too as i was a DoTA fanatic then, and i also wanted to see how good the cyber cafes near the colleges were. So on one of the Fridays (which ultimately ended up as our DoTA day till like mid-year), i somehow manage to ask them for a game of DoTA, and there we went playing. Sacrificed my dance class session for that though, but friends are more important right (or perhaps DoTA was more important)?

Hmmm, so that's how the class started to know each other more and we would sit together as a big group eating lunch together, talking crap for an hour then going back to classes to sleep. During the process i realise that Wen Khyn, who was a snobbish dude in my mind, turn out to be some cool guitar rocker who wasn't snobbish at all. And there's Kwe Chyuan, quiet dude at first, but full of crap later and if you don't see him talking during a conversation, beware as he's gonna say something so sharp (or so crappy) that you would remember forever ha-ha. And there's uncle, or Ernest, who wasn't the gangster type as i would have thought, but one of the few who has the most wisdom when he talks, and really an encourager to the class i could say, maybe that's why we call him uncle (besides his age which is one year older than most of us).

Well, if i was to write every single moment i have with my friends this would take forever. All in all, i really thank God for all these friends of mine, really make my college life much more interesting than just staying in the library studying and eating cheap bread in class later. One thing i really enjoy being with them is that, when we come to college we would definitely have the same conversation:

Ju Liang: DUDE! Have you done ure maths, English and chemistry assignment given yesterday?

Most of the guys except those hardworking ones (Like Yuen Han and Ernest): No dude, we are like totally dead!

Ha-ha, i think we shouldn't be that lazy, but it does lay off the stress that we carry during our SAM programme ha ha. And thank God that none of us smoke or are like gangsters, but kinda all goody goody type, so i did not need to come back everyday with the smell of smoke killing me.

All in all, really nice knowing you guys man, and may God bless you guys wherever you are and all the best in all you do!

Aieee Aiieee Aii

Woot, okay, don't know what to say, but just want to thank and praise God that everything went smoothly for these few days! Although i got to go back for all those endless drips and blood test again, but still praise the Lord! For one thing the gun shot wound doesn't hurt anymore (unless i start doing those gymnastic acts which i couldn't even do when i am healthy), i could use both my hands as usual again, the chemotherapy that the doctor is giving me today isn't the red one (which is very much stronger), but a diluted version of it, although i need to take it twice a day but it's still much milder (i think), and i could finally bathe after err 4 days? Praise the Lord ha-ha.

Hmm, the stuff mentioned above seems normal (well, maybe besides the gunshot wound and the chemotherapy), but still being able to do normal stuff seems like a joy when u can't do it anymore. Which allows me to realise that sometimes we take things for granted so easily until we lose it. that's why we got to thank God for EVERYTHING, whether big or small, ordinary or extraordinary, in all things give thanks ha-ha!

Argh, somehow now i hope i could eat those steroid pills (penesolone pills, by the way, i don't how to spell it properly so don't bother to check what pill is that in google search, actually it does not build up muscles for me like the body builders but it just kills of the white cells that are err bad?) once again as i have cut down to 1 pill a day from 14 pills a day, well it has some bad side effects such as the water retention which makes my face and fingers bloated, but it does have some good effects such as for example the Black Hole, where i could eat non-stop without feeling full. Well, it's bad if you grow fat, but fortunately God give me the ability not to get fat no matter how much i eat, ha-ha! Allowing me to enjoy many good food without hesitation. As for now, my appetite is normal, and well, couldn't eat as much as last time already.

Alright, guess that's all for now, please pray for my mom that she will not be so stress out, and that she would be able to sleep without needing to take those sleeping pills anymore, guess she's more worried compared to me, he he.

Ah, but anyways, thank God for the beautiful day.

Take TWO!!!!

Ouch, was thinking of updating my journal on the day i got admitted to hospital once again for the 2nd phase of my treatment, but the minor surgery i underwent wasn't as minor as i thought. It hurts like a gun-shot wound i tell ya! Ha-ha, nah the chemo pod (is like the pipe on my hand except this time is in the chest, right side) surgery, wasn't as painful as a gunshot wound, but it still affected me enough to think twice whether i should touch the computer or not. Adding the fact that my left hand has a needle (for the initial general anaesthetic that was needed for surgery), i did not have any hands left to use i could say.

But all in all, thank God for His wonderful love and mercy that the surgery and the extraction of the bone marrow fluid (i don't know what's the proper name for it?) went smoothly without any complication and that i am able to sleep and eat well, ha-ha!

ARghhh, and that doctor said that after the chemo pod surgery i could do any sport and start moving about!!!!! Thank God also that my other doctor (the one that takes care of my leukemia), said that i did not need to go for the chemotherapy today as scheduled, otherwise i would kinda faint because my body is really too weak.

Hmm, for those who are reading this, please pray for me as tomorrow i am going for my 2nd lambre puncture procedure (the one where they put something at the fluid of the backbone--- super lay-man terms ha ha) and also that i would be able to take the chemotherapy treatment well, heard it's going to be rather heavy this time.

Okay, but all in all, rejoice in the Lord, ha-ha!

First Dance X2 Revolution experience of the year...

Okay, i have been at home for 2 weeks now, but since the time i came home from the hospital till like now i did not do any "real" exercise, well i really want to use --- "that's because I am recovering!" as an excuse. Nah, i am just lazy i must say ha ha!

So, yesterday mom and dad was complaining that i sit in the room too much sometimes and need to do some exercise like walking around the garden or perhaps maybe around Bukit Jalil park? Well, yea, it will be good to get some fresh air and exercise my leg muscles which seems to have never been used for years, but laziness and the rebelliousness of a teenager somehow kick in and i told them that i would somehow do my own exercise. Somehow...

I guess something convinced me not to be that lazy and a little exercise would be good for me. That's when i took out the dance mat (the one for the PlayStation 2 and the ones you see in the arcade) which also i haven't used for months and inserted the dance dance revolution extreme 2 disc into the game console (For those who are doubting that if this game could be called an exercise, i would tell you it is, ha ha). Alright, i know i was pretty decent in this game at one time, so feeling confident i selected a song and started dancing... alright barely pass the first stage, on to a harder song... Uh-oh...

It's like you know what moves you should make, but yet you could not do it. The mind doesn't seem to work together with the leg muscles anymore as i haven't use them for a long time.

The mind: Alright right leg, move your legs to the left side then up and down 4 times then up again at a tempo beat of 144, you understand? (everything happening in less than a millisecond)

The right leg: Hey lefty, can u do the job for me? i am just too tired.

The left leg: oh man, you're too lazy, do your own work.

The right leg: nah this kid is just playing a game, not like he will die if i don't move right?

Me: ~staring blankly at the TV screen, seeing how miserably i scored because both my legs doesn't wanna move to the dance beat~

As you can see, i did really terribly at the harder songs, couldn't coordinate well between both the legs and couldn't jump as i haven't done that for a long time, and the muscles for that section are like dead somehow, he he. Okay, got to exercise more so i could return my legs function to normal again.

Therefore, i guess that whatever we learn in the bible we got to put it to practice, otherwise it will go away from our minds or become dead as we never use it anyway, and we got to face some consequences later. For whoever that hears of the word and put them into practice is like a wise man who build his house on the rock, which stood firm when the rains came down and floods came up, unlike the foolish man who build his house on the sand that fell (Matthew 7:24-27) If we do not practice God's word daily, our faith will start to waver like the winds blown on the grass of the fields, and when trails and temptations come our way, we will definitely fall. Just like how i almost did when i was dancing with such legs that i haven't been using well for a long time =p

To be botak or not to be botak

Woakay, i know i shouldn't be like worrying, but recently i noticed that my hair is dropping like leaves during autumn. Not like i am afraid of becoming bald, but the fact that it's dropping bit by bit makes me kinda, err , scared? Ha-ha. HELPP!!!!! I AM BECOMING BALD HELP ME!!!!

Okay, enough of that ha-ha, the hair will regrow again someday (i hope ha-ha, depending on God's grace again), so shouldn't worry too much about it. It's weird though, this bald effect only become rapid after more than a week from my last chemotherapy, zhi yong any explanation on this? (ure the doctor brother, or maybe Joyce can explain too? heard that pharmacist are the ones that prepared all the chemo drugs)

Well, well, some people ask why a "good" person (buahahaha, people call me good) like me still gets leukemia, seems kinda unfair, that's what they said. But honestly, i don't think i am that good at all. Yeah, i may be good at the outside, but sometimes the thoughts in my mind are somehow just pure evil i can say, for example using friends to gain personal advantage or perhaps playing music to impress others instead of God, no one could see the heart, which is why some call me good but in reality i am not so good after all.

Which is why i rejoice when God gave me this sickness, it allows me to see many things much more clearly through His eyes and able to repent on some of my old and foolish ways. During the time i was healthy, when i was happy, i always forget about God and always only think about me me me; and when i was sad (perhaps because of bad exam results etc), then i start blaming God even though i know i shouldn't. But with this sickness, i now depend on God's grace to live each day, and have a constant reminder that my life is and always will be in His hands and i can never live without Him. Just as the "Purpose Driven Life" book has written, that this weakness i have will be allow me to trust God 24/7 and depend on His strength, not my own (My grace is sufficient for you, my power is made perfect in weakness. 2 Corinthians 12:9a). Never to run from Him every again but allow Him to be the master of everything.

So, i know that during my life journey there will be times i will fall away as i am not perfect.... yet (well nobody is, until we like errr die?), so brother and sister in Christ please remind me to go back in track then ya, ha-ha! Hmm, now about my hair, heard that if it all falls off and it comes out again, it could change completely like becoming curly or perhaps blond? Ha-ha.

Little by little

Oops, getting lazy to update my journal nowadays, and i can't give the excuse that i am busy ha-ha, since i got like the whole day at home. Hmm, another one of God's blessing i can say ha ha, able to relax at home (and perhaps a few weeks at the hospital, keke) without worrying much since i got no homework or assignments or anything that i need to rush to attend to. Everything can be taken one step at a time.

Well, mentioning about that, i realise that when i was sick, i was able to do things "little by little" instead of rushing through them. That's because on the other hand, when i am well, i try to finish everything as fast as possible, and rush through most of the things without even thinking of what i am doing, i just wanted it to be done, may it be eating, reading, bathing (that's why i try skipping it like most of the time last year ha ha), doing my devotion, doing assignments, etc. Only besides doing the things that i enjoy, i try to rush through all the others as mentioned.

But as of now when i am sick, time seems to be not a factor anymore. I take my time eating, bathing, reading, doing my devotion and even practicing my guitar. Take practicing guitar for example, instead of playing those super hard songs like i used to straight away and trying to make it sound right somehow, i now practice those basic scales, then slowly to something harder (hopefully =p), but at least i get to have a good foundation.

Which reminds me, that as Christians we can't grow like "poof" and become super Christians and equipped to be ready for every good works that God wants us to do in a day or two and then we can just rest at home and think that we are oh so ready. That's why we need to grow constantly and gradually, "little by little", as each day pass. Everyday is a day for us to learn more to become like Christ, and only when we meet Jesus again will we be made perfect in Him, that's why we can't stop till then. Ha-ha, thank God we have Sunday School, so we can learn and re-learn things that we have forgotten, and "little by little" grow to become more like Christ.

Hmm, okay, as of now, i think i am starting to go back to my old habit of rushing things, since i am like getting better each day ha-ha. But guess i better do things "little by little", as it allows me to more focus in the things that i am doing.

 

A trip to the doctor

Woah, don't know why, was too tired yesterday to write anything, slept around 9 something at night, considered to be the earliest for this year ha ha. Alrite, so gonna write stuff about yesterday then...

Okay, so yesterday i went to the doctor for my check-up at around 9 something in the morning, was glad that i was the first patient there, so i was immediately transferred to another room to take some blood samples. Well, the first thing that shocked me was the kinda old lady who was going to draw my blood. In my mind i was thinking, err.. is she going to do everything all right? Will her hands shake while poking me with the needle? Can she actually see well????

Anyways, before she was going to draw my blood she started having a pleasant conversation with me, advising me on how to go through my treatment and stuff like if i learn mandarin or not during my school life. And when it's time to draw my blood she told me it's gonna be a little painful as there wasn't much obvious veins left in me and the only one obvious is the part where it's gonna hurt. Well, my right hand is out of the question and my left hand isn't the hand that i use much, no choice i guess. And that's when i know she isn't as old as i thought haha, she manage to draw the blood out quite easily without much pain and everything was done in a professional manner. Phew, thank God!

The test result for the blood needed at least (or at most, can't remember which one is it) 30 minutes. And well, the doctor was also at Pantai Hospital doing treatments for another patient, so me and my dad were wondering around the hospital till like i don't know when, and then we got a call that the doctor was coming so we returned to the clinic.

Well, thank God i was the first patient to arrive today or not i gotta wait like for a super long time as a crowd was starting to build up in the clinic. As soon as the doctor arrived i was allowed in without waiting. Okay, so what did the doctor said? (not exactly what he said though)

Doc: "You can take of your mask now, ure white blood count is normal, you don't need to act like a terrorist"

Me: "Oh, but i love wearing a mask, it makes me look like a super villain (or at least hide my bloated face)"

Okay, cutting crap, what the doctor said was my blood test show a positive result, and everything is going on just fine (according to God's grace) and i can do normal things like going to the shopping mall and stuff. Just don't do anything that a normal human wouldn't do like purposely going face to face with a person who's sneezing and coughing or drinking and eating from a person who's having a fever. Ha-ha, really thank God for the good news i must say.

There's just one thing that concerns me though, and i really need prayer on this. To avoid bone marrow transplant i need a negative result on err "something" in my chromosomes (i can't remember what is it called), if this substance is tested positive in my chromosomes i need to have a transplant immediately whether i like it or not as my treatment will have no effect at all. Well, i don't want the transplant as it may very much complicate matters and it's eh, scary? i must say ha ha.

Nevertheless, i thank God for His abundant grace once again, where i could hear a word of good news from the doctor, and be considered as normal once again, for 2 weeks at least ha ha, but it's more than enough. Next appointment would be due after that, gotta go for a minor surgery and then the next big chemo blast and then here we go again, dum dee dum, same routine all over again ha ha.

Aiks... Sorry Guys, but guess u can't come to visit me T_T

Ah, morning!!! Another great day created by God for all of us human beings.

Had my breakfast and then finished reading another chapter of my "Purpose Driven Life" book, when mom told me that she called the doctor and the appointment will be at 11:30 am on Monday. Well, okay i said, not like is gonna affect me in any other way, then later she told me that the doctor says i can't go to church for tomorrow, in case of some infections or complications that could arise from the crowd there. I was like "WHAT!!!" , wasn't i okay already? I really wanted to go back to church to worship God and fellowship with my other brethrens.

But, I guess God has His way of comforting me somehow. When i log in to my MSn, my youth pastor then came online too, and she told me that a friend of hers, Pastor Ling, who had leukemia just like me, past away recently because of virus infection after the 4th chemotherapy. I mean like, that's like me man, i just had my 4th one too, but i manage to enjoy Chinese new year by God's grace and mercy. And if my pastor's friend could get an infection just like that, i could too, as i am human after all. And maybe that's why God gave the decision and the wisdom to the doctor to avoid me from attending crowded places in order to prevent me from any harm when my mom called him. Better not take things for granted, God grace is sufficient, but I better not test God either.

Alright, so after reading this, i guess most of you know what to do... Don't visit me for now ya, for my sake ha-ha. You may have just a slight flu, cough or maybe you don't feel anything (but u are sick somehow), but that could very much take my life anytime. I really still can't take the risk, after knowing this from my youth pastor. And therefore pray for me ya, for anything could happen anytime.

But one thing I am sure, our life is in God's hand, and every second of it, He knows. So when our time is up, I guess it means time to go home and our home is in heaven, for those who believe that Christ Jesus is Lord. For to live is Christ, and to die is gain. In Christ, we win.... either way.

Announcement? I guess...

Alright, many of you know that i am back home now after being discharged, but I guess you all still better not visit me till like next Monday when i have another check up with my doctor.

Well, is not that i don't want visitors, but my mom is kinda worried when people come visiting me, she will often try to keep conversations short and asking them to stay as far as possible away from me, you get the idea i guess. So if anyone who comes visiting me now and who wants to see me, you will most probably get like "chased away" if you know what i mean by my mom, and that isn't so much fun ha-ha.

So err please be patient ya, till Monday i hope, when my mom isn't that worried anymore. Better give her a peace of mind and allowing me more time to recover too. Oh, and for those who somehow want to give me some special food, or drink or herbs or anything that isn't ordinary food and beverages, which is said that could cure my sickness somehow, please do not give it to me ya, not that i don't appreciate it or anything like that, but i won't be able to take it as it may risk my recovery unless the doctor recommends it.

But nevertheless, i thank God for all the friends and relatives that are thinking and praying for me all the time. Prayers do work miracles ya know no matter how large or small the matter is. Thanks ya! All of you!