Christmas

Hmm… woah kay, so I finally finish writing up my November so called report, it’s really long, and I bet there’s many errors in it and a whole lot of fine details missing, don’t bother reading if it’s too troublesome (I know I won’t when it reaches that long), it’s just something for me to jot down so I could remember them next time.

Really glad that this time around I could actually enjoy the Christmas celebration and not be at the hospital, but then again, somehow I couldn’t have the Christmas ‘feel’ that I used to have last time. Maybe that’s because I wasn’t serving and being too involved in the church because of my condition, and couldn’t feel all the buzz like I used too. Which reminds me that maybe my previous Christmases were perhaps too engross in activities such as camps, caroling and the like that I forgot that Christmas is about thanking God for sending Jesus and not having the ‘feel’ from the activities and busyness. Or perhaps this is just another of my senseless ramblings.

Ah, I somehow realized that in everything I do I am always one step slower (or perhaps I just don’t take the initiative to do things faster or at least on time), and this is how I am going to prove it:

“MERRY BELATED CHRISTMAS!!!”

Full November Report...

First of all, really thank God that I am finally at home and not in the hospital anymore; for not getting any infections so serious that it became life threatening; and letting the days go by more easily compared to the last time I had this session of chemotherapy.

So… let’s see what happened during that month.

I was admitted to the hospital on November the 6^th, that’s a Monday, and had originally planned to just have my lamba puncture done and nothing else that day in order to reduce the stress on my body. Somehow things always doesn’t turns out right with the doctor who does my lamba puncture and the nurses: well, the nurses said that the doctor doesn’t want to do the procedure because he had an MC that day and was not on duty (if he wasn’t on duty why is must he come to the hospital then?), on the other hand, the doctor said the nurses didn’t prepare the drug for the procedure that’s why he couldn’t do anything. Hmmm… so who’s telling the truth eh?

Because of that, the lamba puncture procedure was postponed till the next day, and I had my first dose of chemo (the white colored one) the first day itself at around five something in the evening. Of course I started to feel nausea and all, but it wasn’t as bad as I thought, really thank God for that. Just when I was starting to feel comfortable and think that everything would be going alright, the nurses told me that after 12 hours I am going to have another dose of that chemo (the white one). I was like: “Huh? I thought only got 4 white and 2 blue last time wan? How come now different.” Tossing and turning around the bed that night because I thought it must be some mistake, I decided to walk out to the nurse counter and double check with the chemo drugs I am suppose to take for the entire week.

The first thing the nurses asked me when I was looking at the chart that contains my medical details was: “Boleh baca tak?” My goodness, for the first time I truly understand what they meant by ‘doctor’s handwriting’, and it gives me a new respect for all the nurses that could understand this ancient text. It was so hard to read that if I become a kindergarten teacher, teaching a class of 3 years old student, I’ll give them all an A++ for their handwriting. Basically the chart was filled with lots of signatures and scribbles; I manage to decipher a few facts, but most of it was translated by the nurse who was in charge then. Guess I was wrong about the chemo and it really was 2 white chemo a day for 4 days, which would be 8 white chemo and 2 blues then for the entire thingy. That truly was demoralizing though, it means that I would have less rest in between the days.

The second day, around noon time I had my lamba puncture. Thank God that all went well this time without any complications or side effects; otherwise it would really be unbearable. The only problem is that the doctor is starting to pester me to write a testimonial and you know how lazy I am (he already asked me to do so the last time I had my lamba puncture). Well, it’s for a good cause actually; it’s to comfort those first timers who are doing their lamba puncture to assure them that this treatment does not hurt, except the part where they put the local anesthetics of course (although somehow it seems to me that he’s trying to promote that he does lamba puncture best compared to the others ha-ha). Not that hard of a task to write a testimonial I suppose, but somehow I am just too freaking lazy, but I know if I don’t do it soon, the next time I see him, he’s going to lecture me again… oh no~

During the 4 and a half days of chemo (the half was because the last chemo ended at around 5 in the morning on Friday), I totally lost my appetite because of the nausea feeling and was always dehydrated and really tired. But amazingly, despite all the suffering of feeling nausea, need to thank Christ Jesus our Lord as the side effects wasn’t too hard for me to handle, miraculously. Vomited heavily twice I think (first one was around the middle of the week, while the second and final one was around Saturday or Sunday of the first week, which after vomiting I felt much better and my appetite started to return). Thank God that it wasn’t the food that came out both times but errrr… the acid from the stomach? Or a mixture of water and errrm… sour stuff… That’s because if I actually vomited the food out, and since I only eat like bread for lunch, and mee soup or porridge for dinner, I would have zero nutrition and that is bad because my body won’t have enough energy to actually repair the damage done to my body and give me the strength to move about.

One thing that really annoyed me during the first week of my stay in the hospital was the fact that the nurses need to keep a record of my food and drinks input and my errm… output (I think you know what I mean).It wouldn’t be much of a problem, but when I only wake up around 1-2 pm (which is the time they do their record) and they asked me what did I eat starting from 7 in the morning, in which I answered nothing because: “I was sleeping and just woke up when you came in”, they will start giving me a lecture of why I must forced myself to eat and drink etc. or give me that worried look that pressures me somehow. They were some that actually understood the reason why I didn’t eat or drink well without me explaining to them, but some… sigh….Well their intentions were good, but ‘hello’, I know I don’t have such a good appetite because of the chemo, but I told you I just woke up, how can I eat and drink in my sleep, and go to the toilet… I don’t walk in my sleep sister! Because of that sometimes I just eat a piece of bread and a cup of water when they first wake me up to do their temperature check around 7-8 in the morning, and go back to sleep, just to avoid the lecture, or the worried look on their faces that makes me even more stressed up. Why don’t you just lie to them you may ask… would love to do that, it’ll minus the hassle, but then again, I am not a medic student nor a doctor, and if I don’t take their advice it might cost me my health. And the thing that would annoy me more than what I have mentioned would be the nurses telling me straight at my face: “I’ve told you so.” Thank God that when my white cell count dropped really low they stop doing this recording as the doctor wanted me to have minimal contact from the outside in order to prevent me from getting infected, thus the annoyance ended, phew.

For those who are wondering, I wake up around 1-2 pm not because I watched too many late night movies (I sleep around 10-12 pm the first week), but it’s because firstly my body needs a lot of rest to regenerate, and secondly by sleeping I actually reduce the amount of time I need to suffer from feeling nausea and all.

Feeling nausea and tiredness was the first effect, the second side effect started around the fourth or fifth day after the chemo (or was it right after the blue severe chemo… can’t remember), in which rashes (deep blood red color marks on my skin, it’s somehow like internal bleeding) started to appear on my body (my hands, stomach, thigh, legs) and it really itches if I somehow manage to disturb it (in which I will always do as my skin would definitely touch something). The first week wasn’t a problem when I still had my white cells at a safe level, but during the second week on Monday which my white cell count dropped to 0.5 percent, a simple act such as scratching was a huge problem. If I accidentally scratch too much and made it bleed, it could get infected because of the wound and that could cause a huge load of trouble. Plus the fact that my blood components (which I think is due to the platelets, not sure though) dropped to an all time low, scratching the rashes gave me internal bleeding, which made dark red dots appear on the rashes. This really thought me self-control ha-ha, as I need to keep resisting myself from scratching the rashes in order to protect my own body. Well I assumed that it was the low amount of platelets that contributed to the internal bleeding because whenever I had packets of blood platelet (4 packets normally, I think I had it 2 times for this whole treatment) transfuse to my body, the red marks of the internal bleeding starts to fade away, then again I might be wrong ha-ha. Even after a week since I left the hospital I still have some mark of the rashes on my hands though, the last time I had this treatment I think it took months for it to go away.

*This paragraph is a little disgusting*

The third side effect was constipation. I was really hoping that I would at least pass motion while my white cell count was up, and I was expecting the white cell count to drop after around seven days from the day my chemotherapy ended, should be a lot of time I thought to myself. But… frustratingly my white cell count dropped to zero in just 3 days from the last chemotherapy, and only during the next day when my white cell count dropped to a big zero (2^nd Tuesday) must I ‘do my business’. As most of us know, when one has constipation and finally needs to ‘do his business’, the stool would be incredibly hard and that caused my anal to tear and bleed (due to the insufficient blood platelets, it took a longer time to allow the wound to stop bleeding, the toilet bowl virtually became the red sea, imagine that) plus me having hemorrhoids because of that. Wouldn’t cost much harm to a normal healthy human being, but because of my low white cell count (again, blame it on the white cells), the wound that was caused from the tear would later gave me an infection (which I did not realized at first, as I couldn’t feel the ‘infection caused by the tear’ feeling which I had the last time I was on this treatment).

During the 2^nd Tuesday another annoying thing started to happen, despite the fact that I was totally isolated since the 2^nd Monday when my white cell count dropped to a dangerous level, and there was a sign outside indicating that fact (I think, the last time they put that, got to ask my mom again ha-ha), there were still clueless people that come in my room looking for the person they are suppose to visit. First was some Malay bearded dude who apparently couldn’t understand words and numbers; if the person on the bed isn’t the person you are suppose to visit (and it’s really obvious considering I am a Chinese), and the room number is 719, which obviously is a single bedroom since there wasn’t a 719 A, B, C, D or 719 1,2,3,4, don’t lah walk until 2/3 of my room only to realize it’s a single bedroom and the patient isn’t the person you’re suppose to visit, in addition there’s the sign telling people that I am isolated, I mean you’ll at least know what’s the sickness of the person you’re visiting right? Goodness… was really paranoid then as I didn’t wanted any outsiders coming in because of the fear of getting infected by the germs they carry, even the nurses that check up on me who don’t wear their mask makes me go cranky (thank God that only a few times the nurses did that, otherwise I’ll become crazy ha-ha). Just when I thought that was the last, that night another lady with kids opened up the door, thank God that at least she had more intelligence than that bearded dude, she quickly apologize before even stepping in the room when she sees me. But then that wasn’t the end of it… apparently some weird delivery dude came and send me a bunch of flowers, not telling me the name of the sender or who he was supposed to send to. Being the paranoid boy as I am, I quickly ask him to leave the flowers at the door and said I couldn’t sign because I am isolated. He was considerate enough to allow me to escape without signing for that delivery. I was sure the flowers weren’t meant for me as everyone who wants to send their flowers has already done so the first time I was admitted to the hospital. Didn’t wanted to check it out though, as I was too afraid that the flower may be infected (paranoid again). So, when my mom came she too was surprised, and found out that the bouquet of flowers actually belonged to a girl name Sophia whose room is actually at 709 (or 790 can’t actually remember). No wonder there were unknown dudes that came popping up at my room… guess they couldn’t get the room number right because they were too lazy to ask the nurse at the counter.

Things started to become quite bad on the 2^nd Wednesday. Perhaps because there were bacteria in the food I ate, or the fact that I got infected during the tear or perhaps someone who got close enough to me had some virus or bacteria on them, my body somehow got infected and started to have a high fever starting from around 3 in the afternoon. It took a really long time for the nurses to bring Panadols to me (around an hour), and that caused me to shiver and allowed me the privilege to suffer the coldness of winter in the comfort of my own room. During the night, upon receiving instructions from my doctor, the nurses began drawing my blood and injecting it to the antibiotic and later sending it for testing in order to ensure that the antibiotics would be effective against the infection. After around 3 hours, the antibiotics which was proven effective was dripped into me and that helped a lot because when I first ate the Panadol, I was only relieved from the fever for only at least 30 minutes and the fever came back (was really discouraged then, I was like: “WHAT! 30 minutes of relief only??? Don’t tell me this is going to be a really serious one”). Eating another Panadol and having the antibiotics later that night allow me to sleep till the next day undisturbed (the fever did not come back). And I really really really thank God for that, for His grace where I did not need to suffer so badly. The last time when I started to have fever during this treatment, it came non-stop whenever the effect of the Panadol wears off and the fever only settled down when my white cell was back at the normal level, and that was a really suffering experience. So I suffered the effects of that high fever only from 3 in the afternoon till 11 at night, and then I had rest… sweet rest for the next few days as the fever did not came back non-stop like last time. Because of me having this high fever, I was put on antibiotics every 6 hours to prevent the infection from becoming worst, and hoping the fever does not come back.

I knew it was an infection that caused the fever, but had no idea specifically which infection caused the high fever. It was only on the second Friday did the doctor told me that the high fever was caused by an infection of the blood from some bacteria. Where did the bacteria came from? I have no idea, as I have mentioned it earlier it could have come from many possibilities. The doctor assured me that the antibiotic was effective against that blood infection and need not worry much as the fever have subsided, meaning that it was a success. There and then I did not worry much about the infection, but later I realized that if the doctor did not gave me the proper antibiotics in time, and the infection had spread out to my entire body, it may have caused me my life. Woah! And there I was thinking that it was just something like the common cold or cough (but then again, any common bacteria or virus could have killed me, ha-ha). Therefore I really thank God for His grace and mercy and love, to preserve my life once again, and not letting me go (and the comfort of allowing me think that it was just something normal keke).

On that Friday night my beard hair started to drop too (was pulling it and it came off, don’t ask me why I do that). Just as my secondary classmate Harold once joke to me, that having my hair dropping because of chemotherapy isn’t a bad thing, as if anytime I think I need a shave, one swipe to the mouth and my moustache and beard would all be gone, viola, as easy as that ha-ha. Yeah, it does save ‘me’ a lot of trouble, but to the person who needs to clean up all the hair, it would be a mess. It was only during the 2^nd Saturday that the hair on my head started to drop rapidly. It was a mess with all the hair dropping around my bed as I roll around my pillow and my towel whenever I try to wipe my hair dry after bathing. Was thinking of trying to salvage as much hair as possible and not shave it, but seeing how my head is becoming more like badly made crop circles and giving me a really sickly look because of that, mom forced me to shave my head using an electric shaver that I haven’t used in years. Got to give credit to my mom though, she did do a great job off shaving my head to become that of Zidane, thus allowing me to feel much more refresh with the completely shiny bald look, and not having that trauma of seeing how my hair drops whenever I pull at it.

On the 2^nd Sunday though, my fever started to return and the frequency of getting it seems to increased as each day passed starting from that day, but still, I really thank God that most of the time it’s just a slight fever, and even if my body temperature rises too high, I don’t really feel the suffering effects of the high fever like previously. Just pop in two Panadol pills and I would have around 5-6 hours of relief and I don’t really feel the severe shivering from fever or anything like that. Really thank God for His grace on this, too. In some ways it was a relief to me, as having a fever could mean that the body is starting to put up some resistance in fighting the infections, meaning my white cell count is increasing steadily. But at the same time, it could also be due to the fact that the infections are getting very much stronger and the antibiotics could not fend them of. Not taking any chances, the doctor added more antibiotics per day (he added one antibiotic that was taken every 8 hours and later another 4 small bottles that were taken once a day, totaling up to 11 bottles of antibiotics a day) to be dripped into my body starting from the 3^rd Thursday. Why the 3^rd Thursday you may ask and not instantly when the fever started to return? Well, from what I overheard, the nurses did not report to the doctor about the fever returning as they assume that since I am already on antibiotics (the ones that were dripped into me when I got my high fever) they shouldn’t worry much. Miscommunication again I guess, ha-ha. But still, all in all, thank God that this fever was rather mild, and most of the time I don’t actually feel the effects of having a fever.

But then again, it wasn’t really smooth sailing all the way. During the 3^rd Monday night, somehow the anal infection became insanely itchy till the point that I almost when crazy since I couldn’t actually sleep through the whole night. I tried every thing I could think of to ease the itchiness: putting lotions, washing, trying differing positions while sleeping, scratching but all to no avail. At most I could only have 1 minute of relief and the itchiness would return. The lack of sleep because of this made me cranky and I started to feel really fed up of being in the situation that I am in, and somehow I began to question God why in the world must I go through all this suffering. But just when I started to think of all the questions, I realized that I shouldn’t have done so and asked God for forgiveness… God never make mistakes, and He knows what’s best for me. After checking the Internet the moment the sun rises the next day, I realized that there were certain creams just to ease this kind of irritation, and asked my mom to go to the pharmacy to get them for me, in which the doctor later gave me another more powerful version of the cream plus a pill that reduce itchiness and that helped to ease the irritation.

This time around I only had one blood transfusion and that was on the 3^rd Thursday midnight. Two packets of blood were transfused to me at midnight because it takes a really really long time for the blood to come from GH (there’s a blood bank there I think) even though the order was given in the morning by the doctor plus the fact that they must make sure the blood isn’t infected in anyway and it matches my blood type, that’s why if you really need lots of blood fast, go to GH. The one thing I really don’t like of blood transfusion would be the fact that it takes around 6 hours minimum just to finish dripping in one packet of blood, and two packet would meant 12 hours. Being bounded to the drip isn’t very pleasant as it restricts my movement greatly, the antibiotics that took around 30 to 45 minutes were already frustrating at times, so 12 hours was arghh!!!! Thank God that at least they dripped it at night, so that reduces around 8 hours of feeling bounded ha-ha. Oh, another thing to thank God for would be that the rashes (it’s a different one) that appeared because of the blood transfusion did not cause any itchiness this time around, compared to some other times when I have transfusions of the blood which made me scratch my skin non-stop. During the transfusion though I mysteriously vomited twice, once during the night and the other early morning, the doctor did not explain why that happened, so don’t expect me to know the reason then. Still, thank God that everything went back to normal after the blood transfusion was complete.

Was starting to get quite depress due to the fact that I was expecting to go home around the late of the 2^nd week and the start of the 3^rd week, and as each day pass when they do my blood check on alternate days, the doctor would tell me my white cell count still hasn’t gone up yet, ah, depressing… was thinking I could have gone home much earlier and made it for the VBS in time. Thank God though, that since I have written this blog, I actually manage to have some reference of how long it took the last time I had this treatment, which was roughly around 24 days, so in a way that comforted me as it should take at least around 4 weeks compared to the last time if I were to be discharged, and that gave me a glitter of hope in some way. My mom also had a journal writing my days in the hospital too, hers was very much detailed, and thank God for that as it allows me to tackle some of the problems that I was supposed to face during this chemotherapy. One of them was the mouth ulcers, which I think wasn’t really ulcers but fungus growing out since it dropped off like mushrooms when my white cell count when up the last time. Back then I must have not kept my mouth clean enough when my white cell count was low and was subjected to the mouth ulcers because of that. It was really terrible to have those ulcers as breathing was difficult as it hurts; when I sleep, saliva comes out and that really made me unable to sleep properly and eating a simple meal seems as difficult as climbing a mountain cliff. Mind you, it’s not one or five ulcers, but the number of ulcers on my tongue alone was uncountable. White spots were all over the sides of my tongues, and in order for me to actually eat I normally need to put an anesthetic solution to numb my tongue so it becomes bearable. Through that experience, this time once I was staying in the hospital I kept rinsing my mouth immediately after food with antiseptic mouthwash to prevent it from being infected. There was also this salt thingy that the doctor prescribed for me to gargle, one of the nurses told me that it was used to prevent the infections of the mouth but somehow I remembered the last time I had this salt thingy, it was used to make sure my mouth don’t get too dry and irritate my throat. Not taking any chances I religiously gargle the salt thingy twice a day. It was only during the day that they stop giving me the salt which I asked another nurse why I don’t need it anymore, in which she explained to me like how I remembered it. Gosh, got conned again by them. But still, I really thank God as this time I did not have any ulcers in anyway, for I know that no matter how hard I try to protect myself, there’s still a percentage for me to get my mouth infected, and it’s only through God’s grace that I could avoid it, thus reducing the amount of suffering I must endure… YEE HAW!!!! At least I could enjoy the pleasure of breathing, eating and drinking.

Well, the white cell did start to steadily return of the 3^rd Friday, rising from around 0.3% to 0.5%. Yeah, not much, but it’s a start ha-ha. Though it is encouraging to know that my white cell count is going to return to normal soon, there was one thing I really dread. Because I didn’t have enough white cell then, the anal infection which I mentioned did not hurt in anyway, as there are no white cells to fight the infections, and the infection kinds of like just stay there, unable to be healed (something like those who have diabetes). But once my white cell count goes up, the white cell will begin attacking all the viruses and bacteria and that caused my anal infection to hurt like CRAZY (on this 3^rd Friday itself). This really gives me a great respect for all the mothers out there, for if I am woman I would have died during child birth as even this I couldn’t stand anymore. It was as if a knife is stabbing the wound repeatedly, and without any medicine it would be impossible to find relief. And through this experience I really thank God that I am born in the modern world and not during the medieval times, when anesthetics weren’t easily found. At first I put some anesthetic lotion on the wound… no effect; then I asked the nurse to give me some pain killers… still no effect; finally around 1 in the afternoon (I started to feel the pain the moment I woke up in the morning) when I could take it no longer, I asked the nurse if there’re any methods left to reduce the pain, and the nurses told me that the only option left would be an anesthetic injection. ARghhh, no injection please! Was starting to think twice when the intense pain reminded me that I shouldn’t hesitate anymore, and after having the green light from my doctor, I had the anesthetic injection. Of course the injection hurt quite a bit, but compared to the pain of the wound it was nothing, an immediately right after the injection was done, I could feel relief, and finally mange to sleep in peace once again. I did not have any proper sleep since the day the wound started to become itchy, which later started to increasingly hurt as each day pass till this Friday, was waking every now and then most of the night either because of the itchiness or pain. In addition to not sleeping well, it was also due to the fact that the injection will induce drowsiness, but it was good for me, as I really wanted to sleep. In fact, I manage to sleep so well that I snored and ask my mom not to disturb me in anyway, in fear that I might not be able to sleep like this anymore (or perhaps because the injection was actually some kind of morphine drug like thingy, as I kind of feel ‘high’ before I slept). Since the time after the injection the pain became bearable, and I thank God for that as I don’t want to have another injection anymore (even after a day it made my right legs felt numb). The next day and the after that though, I need to use the bathroom, and yeah, the red sea once again appeared, pain like crap (couldn’t sleep on one of the days because of the pain), but then again, thank God was bearable enough to not have the drug high injection ha-ha.

On the 3^rd Sunday, my white cell count went up to 1.5, really thank God as on that day I could stop eating Panadols because the fever didn’t seem to come back. Was a bit disappointed again the next day as the white cell count dropped to 1.44, I was like: “what in the world? Shouldn’t it be just going up all the way now?” Then again, didn’t really bother much as I had no fever, meaning all seems to be going well, and that was more than enough to thank God. A surgeon was also send by my doctor that day to check the anal infection that I had, was glad that the doctor said that all is well; the only thing that could heal it is time. Phew, don’t need any surgery then, ha-ha.

After the 4^th Monday, my white cell count started to increase exponentially (I think that’s the term), went back up to 1.5, then 2.5, 4.44, 7-point-something and finally manage to be discharged from the hospital on the December 2^nd, which was a Saturday. Had a total of 16 Neupogen injections on my stomach to increase my white cell rapidly (started on the 2^nd Monday and ended on the 4^th Tuesday), was more than what I had expected honestly, the last time I had this treatment it was around 8 times only I think. Painful when injected but wasn’t too bad later, though one part of my stomach got swollen because of the lack of blood platelets.

On the day that I actually got discharged I had one more task to do before I was home free, that was to wait for the same surgeon to come and check my infection one more time just to make sure that all is well. Hmm… waited for him for like 3 hours, but he didn’t come; then nurses told me that he won’t be coming as I am already discharged, and I would need to see him at his clinic (that’s another block in the hospital). Was thinking, is it better to make and effort to make sure everything is all right, or just go home straight away and hope for the best… I chose the latter ha-ha! Who cares man, I could go home!!! WOO HOO!!!! THANK GOD!!!

It wasn’t exactly smooth sailing as I got back though (should have at least see the surgeon ha-ha), just before the day I was discharged I had another trip to the bathroom and I think I had an anal tear this time (the infection was cured). So yeah, got home, suffered around a week with the pain, but still, it was somehow bearable and being at home beats staying in the hospital a million times I guess. Really thank God for being able to be at home.

So, yeah this is my report for the whole of the ‘blue’ treatment during the month of November. It took a total toll of 27 days. Watch almost every Sean Connery’s and friends “James Bond” there is and realized how lame it was compared to the James Bond series nowadays, also reminded me why I said that Pierce Brosnan’s ‘Golden Eye’ was terribly boring when I was young (when DVDs haven’t existed and we were using LDs- the CD that has the size of a dinner plate), though after that his James Bond role got better. Watched ‘High School Musical’ on Disney Channel and thought it was amusing, though I remembered that the plot was reused from another Disney Channel Movie (that’s what happens when u watch every Disney Channel movie there is for the whole month). Also watched cartoons series like “Emperor’s New School, Kim Possible, Totally Spies, Lilo & Stich” for most of the days (oh yeah, I only have Disney Channel for the cartoon channel in the hospital I was staying, that explains all the Disney thingy). Was really surprised (and thanked God) when somehow my Star Sports (my only sports channel) became ESPN (don’t ask me how) when Manchester United was having a match against Chelsea (was disappointed with the score though, should have watch Arsenal or Liverpool instead ha-ha). And the reason why I watched so many movies? It’s the only entertainment I could have that uses up the least energy, playing computer games and going online was a hassle then, I won’t consider it as a joy (it uses more energy). But I think the main reason was because of the ultra lousy internet line, playing DotA, I couldn’t complete more than three matches out of like 20 because I kept getting disconnected (and everyone started saying I am a ‘noob leaver’, wait let me rephrase that ‘Pro Leaver’ as you can’t have two negatives), and there are times when I couldn’t get on the net because of some weird error messages, which the helpline has no idea what it was, and in fact he was also experiencing the same problem (I was like, what in the world, aren’t you like the admin or something), goodness, not worth my 24 bucks a week, but thank God that at least I could like chat with some people during my isolation though, ha-ha. Gave me some sanity in the midst of all the chaos that was around me.

All in all, really thank God for bringing me through this whole treatment. If compared to the last time, it was easier to bear (didn’t had the suicide intend). One thing I really thank God during the treatment was for teaching me patience. The pain and all the physical suffering was hard to bear, but during that time the one thing that really bothered me was the frustration I had because I wanted to go home. Each day I asked the doctor how my condition was and whenever he said that my white cell count hasn’t rise yet, I began to have this intention to ask God why. The frustration became worst when my white cell count started to increase but yet it took me a week for me to go home. During this period of time I realized that in all things God has the power and authority to do things at His time, for He knows what’s best. We may think otherwise, but who can phantom God’s wisdom? Only God knows what’s going to happen ahead in the future. And in all things, I know God doeth all things well.

Really thank God for my mom too, for taking care of me during these 27 days. And for listening to my senseless ramblings and watching all those cartoons with me. Not forgetting for cooking porridge and Mee soup for those 27 days, and giving me comfort and some sanity.

All praise and glory to God, for persevering my life, for bringing me through this tough times by giving me peace and comfort, and for giving me Jesus Christ that I may enter His throne of grace so freely through the forgiveness of sins. Thank God for your love, Amen.

1st Anniversary...

Hmm, really sorry for not posting about what happened during my treatment in the month of November… I still have a quarter more to go… but I got to post this first as the 21^st of December was a significant day for me somewhat.

Though it isn’t something most people would try to remember, today is first day I got admitted into the hospital and when everything started to happen.

Last year on this present day, after checking my SAM finals on the internet, my plan for the day was actually to go to Pantai for a medical check up, not really to find out what in the world made my lymph node near my groin and neck all swollen, but to have a full medical check up report so that I could go overseas to study. After that I intended to go to Taylor’s to get my final results, certificates and all, and later to go shopping at Midvalley as I didn’t do my Christmas shopping yet.

Well, when I went to Pantai for the check up, the Punjabi doctor said that the swollen lymph node was a concern and that I must be admitted to the hospital in order to be able to determine the cause of it through further test. That point I realized something was going amidst, for the doctor had that dreadful look on his face but he didn’t said anything then, just in case he was wrong I guess ha-ha, and not to frighten me. It was really funny then, as me and mom asked the doctor if we could go to Taylor’s first to get the results, go shopping and come back later, which the doctor replied (in Punjabi accent): “No! No! Must stay in the hospital for check up, don’t go anywhere.” We didn’t know how serious it was.

So after getting a room in Pantai, I had many test done on me. From the simple blood test, to the X-ray machine, then the Ultrascan in which Jia Harng, my college mate called me just before I entered the machine. Not really sure what was going on myself, I just told him that I had a fever and all, which in the end he got scolded from all my other college mates because of a misunderstanding, as he told them I had a fever when later it was realized that I had leukemia (really sorry ya!).

Well from all the test the ultrascan was the worst…. Watching from movies and all, the ultrascan seems only like a machine where a person just goes in and the scanning process takes place, simple as that. But when I entered the ultrascan room, first of all I need to drink two yellow drinks in order for the scan to take place (thank God the drink doesn’t taste too bad). Problem is, after drinking those I could not go to the bathroom, and somehow out of all the chances I could use the bathroom, I wanted to go then. Goodness, no choice but to hold it in. After drinking that drink too I had the fever; then I did not know why I got the fever, but later I realized it was because of the leukemia, and my body was already in a critical stage though I did not know about it. Okay, after the drink it wasn’t over yet, I got to change to those freaking thin gown despite the fact that I was already shivering with cold from the fever, and later a nurse came with a huge needle which was connected to a bottle of weird stuff. My first thought was: “Please tell me this thing belongs to someone else!” Well, it did belonged to me, and that was the toner so the colors would appear in my report after my ultrascan was done. It really hurt as the toner goes into my system and my body had that weird hot flushes feeling when the liquid when inside. Only after all that, the part in which we always see in the movies take place, where a person enters the machine with a smile and everything was done oh so easily.

After that I remember having two bags of platelets entering my body in the afternoon. The nurses were saying I had dengue, I was like: “Come on, if I have dengue sure I know lah!” But then I was really tired after the entire test (and the leukemia), and did not want to argue and all. Around 4 to 6 in the evening my current doctor came in and told the news to my parents and some of my relatives who were there then (the Punjabi doctor transferred me to him as he already knew what was going on I guess), yeah, it was the first time I saw my mom and dad so worried since maybe the day I almost got drowned in some pond when I was young. The doctor also told me then, that if I hadn’t admitted to the hospital I would die as I would bleed to death. My blood platelet count was 8 while in normal human beings it is 300+. Woahkay, so that answered why I needed platelets (back then I was totally blur in what leukemia actually is). I also really thank God, as despite the fact that I was already in such a critical situation, he still preserved my life and made me feel like nothing wrong was happening, and to think that I was happily having a holiday at China just last week. Phew, thank God nothing happened over there.

One thing I really thank God then, is the fact that despite all the chaos that was happening around me, the peace of Christ was with me. From receiving the news and having the thought that I would die and all, I was glad that God, through His grace and love gave me peace, and I had no sort of fear then. Back then it was like: “Die? Then die lorh, go heaven only mah…” Now when I think about it, I really hope I had that kind of assurance once again. To have no fear in death, knowing that Jesus Christ has already freed me from the curse of both sin and death.

Guess that’s all I remembered during the 21^st of December. After that it was a long journey for me, but as they say, it was just a blink of an eye when time flies, and God has lead me through one year in just a flash. Really thank God for all He has done.

Home... finally!

WOO HOO!!!! OH YEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!

Thank GOD!!! Praise His name forever and ever!!! For His eternal grace and love!

Ha-ha, it's really a joy to be home once again.

Anyway, will update what happened during the almost one month stay in the hospital.... errr around this week? i guess, ha-ha too lazy to write now.

So, off I go enjoying the comfort of my home.

2nd Blue

Hmm… let’s see… what should I talk about today…okay…

ARGHHH, I AM FREAKING SCARED!!! HELP ME!!!!!!

Yeah, guess that’s what I am going to talk about. Ughh, going back to the hospital tomorrow, or today by the time I finish writing this post. Wouldn’t really mind if it’s just a light one which would require me to stay at most a week, but this one would be really really heavy, so heavy that sometimes just remembering what happened last time makes me shiver down my spine.

Staying for one month in the hospital isn’t that bad, you can watch television immediately when you wake up; you have breakfast, lunch, and dinner at bed; you can just doze off anytime since you’re already sitting on the bed itself; the bathroom is just 3-5 steps away; and best of all you get 24 hours service (okay I am being sarcastic here). Staying in the hospital isn’t all that bad, but the side effects, are… torturing, as I can say.

I remember telling quite a number of people that I would rather stand pain than the nausea, but now when I think about it, both are equally bad. Unless I could actually avoid those bacteria and fungus from growing and attacking my body, the pain could be avoided I guess, but that would need a tremendous effort to keep myself super clean, and knowing that I am such a dirty person who would avoid bathing if possible, I don’t know how am I going to do it. But about all that’s going to happened, I guess after this whole course of chemo I would only write what happened, so I could compared to how it was previously during February-March.

It’s during times like this that I realize that humans are just so weak. That’s because I know that I can’t do much to prevent what’s going to happen. And during times like this I know I could only trust in the living God to grant me His grace to go through this whole thing easily. I am asking this of Him because I know that Jesus Christ is real, and He hears our prayers. But even if it doesn’t go as well as I plan, I guess God has His ways. God doesn’t do something and later says: “Ooops!”

Another thing that I really got to learn is to take things one at a time. When I see the list of chemotherapy that I still need to go through, it makes me really discourage, especially seeing the ones that seems so hard to go through. And knowing that it would take around July to complete the whole thing really isn’t good news at all. It seems never ending. That’s why I got to go slow, aiming one course of chemo at a time, otherwise I would really wear out if I keep thinking of the whole list of chemo. Hmmm, this is one time where it’s better not to see the whole picture.

Ah, but I shouldn’t just talk about sufferings all day long, God has been good for the past 2 weeks, giving me sufficient rest and all at home, really thank God for that. But time seems so short when you are actually enjoying… ARGHHH!!!! And not to forget I manage to update my music collection after like centuries by finding some really whacky Japanese songs, well actually around 10. I haven’t been up to date with the songs on the radio for a really long time; the last time I actually listen to the radio for hours would be around form 3-4 when my brother always turns on the radio while studying. Me, trying to avoid doing my homework would always sleep at the bed and hear his radio till like around midnight, and that’s when I start doing my homework because fear starts kicking in. After he went to Australia to study, the only time I actually listened to the radio was during the trip to and back from school/college. That’s why, since then my musically knowledge is like really terrible. And since then most of the time I would only listen to Japanese music which mostly comes from the opening/ending theme for the animes I watched, and it’s really hard to get my hands on other good Japanese music because it’s not like I can hear them anywhere, unless I actually get them and listen for myself, and therefore, my comp can be said is filled with half of unwanted Japanese music or in other words: junk, while the rest that I actually enjoy seems to be only a handful. The weird thing is that I seem to enjoy those really bubbly, whacky, Japanese songs, those that classical music dudes would rather hear dogs barking instead of the songs that I am hearing, guess you get what I mean.

Okay, guess that’s all for today, pray for me guys, need all the prayers I can get to go through the first week, and err the few weeks after, and hope that I don’t get any serious infections that would make everything even worst. If possible I may bring back a picture of the blue chemo, which I am going through for the 1st week, since I already have a picture of the red chemo, but I am not letting it out in public because it’s errr disgusting… you’ll understand what I mean someday. Hmm, if all goes well, guess I may be strong enough to enjoy the Christmas celebration that I missed last year.

Blessed be Your name~

Phew, thank God that I finally finish eating the chemo-pills on Monday, meaning that the nausea and dizziness would gradually settle down in perhaps a week or so… anymore longer and it would definitely bring a toll on me.

I guess many know that I like playing video-games, but when I am playing games alone I would always prefer playing role playing games as I always love to dwell in a really long story, which those games normally brings. So, really thank God that Final Fantasy 12 was out in stores like around last week. Well, the official released was supposed to be October 31st, don’t know how those pirates ever manage to get the game out that fast. Perhaps it’s a beta version (that would explain some of the really obvious grammar mistakes that a major game company such as Square-Enix shouldn’t make, or perhaps they wanted to make it real by putting it there? Like how most of us speak kacang-Eng-GA-Lish) Yeah, well thank God anyhow as I was able to play it before I enter the hospital in November, at least I have something to entertain me and distract me from all the nausea and suffering. Hmmm… but somehow something doesn’t feel right, I know that we should give thanks to God for everything, but somehow for a pirated disc… hmmm… confusing…

Was really comforted by some of the songs Pastor Siew Teng send to me, especially the song “Blessed be Your name”, since sometimes I really can’t seem to go through what I am going through anymore. At the beginning it was quite easy as things went rather smoothly, but nowadays somehow my body seems really weak to tolerate any of the chemo anymore, thus the nausea/dizziness and all. When everything was going okay, it’s really easy to thank God for everything, but during the times of suffering, it gets really hard to thank and praise God. Through that song, it really encourages me, to thank God in all circumstances, even when the “darkness closes in Lord, still I will say, blessed be Your name”. Somehow I always think that if we could thank God even through our sufferings and pain, it would make God really really happy, and at the same time really piss the devil off ha-ha. And that encourages me to fight on, one day at a time, to glorify God’s name, never losing sight and hope in Him.

Blessed be God’s name, till the end of time.

Laughter is the best medicine...

Hmm… really wanted to do lots of ‘normal’ stuff before my long stay in the hospital, but guess I can’t do so because of this nausea, headache and tiredness. Ah, didn’t know that just eating pills can be so hard. Thank God though, that at least I am able to sleep easily.

Well, I was reading the latest entry in Christopher’s blog and was rather encouraged by what he wrote. In fact, knowing that there are people caring and praying for me really is comforting and encouraging, it makes me feel not so alone, and that God’s watching over me even more because of all your prayers.

Talking to Chris was pretty pleasant despite the fact that we were talking about our sufferings during our stay in the hospital most of the time (something that most people wouldn’t want to talk about, since it’s all gloomy and stuff). I guess that’s because having to know that someone understands what you are going through and can relate to what you have been through is comforting. Like, how our freedom were restricted because of the drips we had; how depressing being nausea can be; how we hate vomiting; how drinking hot stuff can give us some comfort from nausea, etc. etc. It’s been a quite a while since I found someone who has experienced and can actually understand what I am going through without explaining lots of specific details (Chris had food poisoning). Example:

Someone: Hey, when you say nausea, how does it feel like?

Me: Erm… it’s like the feeling of vomiting, but not all the time you’ll vomit things out.

Someone: What??

Me: Erm… never mind (too lazy to go on further details).

Ha-ha, just kidding lah, if anyone wants to ask me anything about my treatment or what’s going on in my life just feel free to ask, I won’t push your questions aside or feel frustrated or anything like that. If my explanations doesn’t mean anything to you don’t hesitate to say: “HARH??” Yeah, you get what I mean.

Chris wrote (and some people also said) something about me being really braved going through this sickness and all, but honestly speaking, I can’t say that I am really brave, that I am charging to the front courageously, battling this disease without feeling any fear or frustration. If I were to define someone who is labeled ‘brave’, the person should be able to have a choice to either overcome his or her fears or not to do it. For instance: a young boy (say 4-5 years of age) goes over to the MacDonald’s counter to buy a Happy Meal for his younger sister who’s crying because she wants one, that’s brave, because he actually can choose not to do it, but for the sake of his sister he did it. (Woah kay, maybe that wasn’t such a good example, please leave out the thought of how he got the money to buy the meal, or why are they out at MacDonald’s without their parents, etc. etc.) Okay, a better example would be: A mother risking her life to enter a building that is on fire to save her child. Okay, she has the choice not to risk her life, but she did that for her child, now that’s brave. (Hope you guys get the idea of what I am saying).

So, anyway, like I was saying, I can’t be called ‘brave’ because it’s not like I had a choice to accept what I want to go through or not. When the doctor said it’s time for chemo, is not like I can say: “NO! I DON’T WANT!” If this was a dream, I would have definitely forced myself to wake up by now, and not linger on any longer. Or suppose I was a candidate in some survivor series (okay, either the one trap in an island/jungle or the wrestling one, take your pick), I would have given up half way through when it becomes too tough for me to handle.

Then again, perhaps the fact that I can’t quit is something to thank God for, otherwise, how could I be refine to be more like Christ if I don’t go through suffering? Being human we will naturally try to find the easiest way out of things, at best, things that require no effort on our part but maximum profit to us, even if it means through evil ways. In other words, if I have my way, I would have definitely chose to escape being refined as I wouldn’t want to suffer, but that would mean that I wouldn’t be prepared to do what God has installed for me in the future, as everything God does has a purpose. When you see it that way, then perhaps the suffering process isn’t so bad after all.

Recently when I am going through this suffering, there’s always this weird image or short sketch if you would call it, which comes to my mind that gives me some sort of relieve and comfort. Well, you guys know the story of Job right? Where the devil kind of like bet with God that Job would definitely curse God if he had to suffer so badly. So, it’s like the devil is at first laughing, saying to God: “A man will give all he has for his own life. But stretch out your hand and strike his flesh and bones, and he will surely curse you to your face.” (Job 2:4) So… if I manage to go through this whole process and not blame God or question Him on why must I go through this, and instead thank God and praise Him for everything He has done, that would mean God would win the bet right? And when God wins, He goes laughing merrily at the devil (think something along the lines like how you would laugh when you see Jim Carrey’s comedies) and say: “I told you I would win buahahahahah!!!” And the devil goes away feeling angry and frustrated. Well, somehow from that image, seeing God happy and laugh makes me want to win this battle even more. I guess that’s because as Christians, we always ought to make God smile, or better… laugh out of joy because of us being testimonies for Jesus Christ here on earth.

Then again, really thank God for laughter. For laughter is the best medicine as they say. Sometimes when I feel really down, I would watch some of my old ‘hardcore’ comedy animes to make me laugh really hard till I totally forget about my nausea. (By meaning ‘hardcore’ comedy, it’s those shows where you are better left off putting your brain at one side while watching, as if you try to even apply logic on what’s happening your brain will kinda go cuckoo).

Yeah, so, since I am already half-way there, might as well finish the race. No point giving up half-way, especially since God is always with me, why should I lose hope? And I bet it will be really satisfying when I finally reach the finishing line.

Tomorrow...

Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow…

And after 30+ tomorrows I finally updated my blog… phew. Guess I am that kind of guy who just loves to leave things until tomorrow, foolishly thinking that there are many tomorrows in the sands of time.

Okay, so I’ll get straight to the point and update everyone on what happened during the past few days, weeks, or erm 1 month.

Well, I had a 8 days chemotherapy (with 3 days break in between) during the month of September, wasn’t anything heavy as the amount of chemo inserted per day was just like a quarter of the normal injection we usually see in the clinic. Though it’s light, somehow I still get pretty nausea after each time they put that small amount of chemo in, and spend the rest of the day sleeping. Hmm, come to think about it, really thank God that at least I can sleep normally despite feeling nausea, otherwise it would be terrible. Then again, most of the time when I sleep I would have weird nightmares, and most of them involves homework and assignments given by teachers in school or college, bah~ No idea how am I going to go back to study life again.

I also had a lamba puncture during this course of chemo. Thank God again that all went well with no side effects this time. Not sure if I mentioned this before, but the doctor that does the lamba puncture for me isn’t the same doctor that prescribes my chemo-drug. The main doctor that usually takes care of me is a hematologist, while the one that normally does the lamba puncture is a neurologist. Nevertheless the main reason I mention this up is because this neurologist seems to be really spiritually filled. And I mean really! Every time he comes to check up on me he’ll definitely quote something from the bible and in the hospital he does evangelism almost everyday I guess. And there are sometimes when he ask me questions concerning passages in the bible which I am not so clear or could not remember, which resulted in my not being able to answer him, and he goes “Ju Liang, you better read more of your bible!” Man, damn embarrassing ha-ha (The question he was asking, I think, concern about Balaam and his donkey when the Israelites wanted to go over to the promise land) . And to avoid him lecturing to me about watching too much television or playing too many games on my laptop when he checks up on me (which I don’t, it’s only that somehow when I am playing he always comes to check during that time), I would immediately take up my bible to read or pull up the Purpose Driven Life book in order to make him stop his lecturing. In some ways I always think he should change his profession to become a pastor instead of a doctor, or perhaps use his doctor skills to be a missionary (there was one time after the check up I said: “Thank you, pastor”, woops!). Then again, because of him taking account of me in my faith (since he always ask me how is my walk with the Lord), I could always make sure that I don’t backtrack in my faith in Christ, and humbled myself knowing that even being a Christian for my whole life there are still tons of things in the bible that I have yet to know, therefore, got to read the bible everyday ha-ha. Now I understand the importance of having someone to be accountable for us in our faith in Christ Jesus, whenever someone falls, the other would be able to pick him up, and not fall out in faith. Now I really regret the chance I had during Training Union when we can choose a partner to take account for us, wasn’t serious then, and wasted that opportunity.

During this lamba puncture procedure this doctor also asked me a question: “Do you ever ask God why you have this sickness?” In my mind I was like: “Uh-oh, one wrong answer and I would get a super long lecture from him.” Then again, since I was like lying on the bed feeling all nervous and scared because the procedure was going to start and he was cleaning my back in order to poke the needle in, I couldn’t even think straight, so I just said the truth and answered: “No.” Phew, thank God that that was the right answer ha-ha. Well, he answered: “Good, good, that means you trust that the Lord knows what He’s doing even through suffering.” Thinking about it, I guess I always knew God knows what He’s doing (I mean like, how can God don’t know what He’s doing?), it’s just that sometimes going through what He has in store for us isn’t that easy always, but still, yeah, “Be bold and courageous for the Lord is with you!” Guess I still got to fight on till the very end, knowing that I am not fighting the battle alone, for God is always there watching over me.

Which reminds me, the end line for me has like extended from February to around July (August?) Because by counting the amount of time I needed to complete my first cycle (8 months) times two, it would definitely end around July then. So like yeah, need prayers from you guys to have more spirit to fight on ha-ha.

Okay, so for the month of October the only thing I need to do now is eat chemo-pills, which means don’t need to go to the hospital, yay! But somehow it does make me freaking nausea at times, even when writing this blog post, feel like vomiting time after time ha-ha, nothing too serious though. And when this month end, uh-oh -here comes the pain- a really heavy dosage of chemotherapy will be up next, which would mean that I cannot attend this year’s VBS. Just thinking about the next course makes me go BRRrrrrr… but better stop thinking about that for now, should take things one step at a time or not I will definitely wear out.

That’s why I better make use of the 3-4 weeks break I have now, hope that the chemo-pills wouldn’t give me any side effects so that I could go travel outdoors before I get trapped in the hospital again, ha-ha.

To the farm we go...

Well, let’s see…

Went to the farm today, but it was almost the same as staying back home. That’s because I slept for half of the day there, and when I woke up I was using my laptop to play games and erm write this blog. So yeah, about the same as just staying at home, but then again, perhaps the air is fresher here as it’s far from the city, and there are animals wandering about and it’s good to have a different scenery while typing my blog anyways.

Really thank God that my shingles finally cured up, don’t need to bother my mom anymore to keep changing the dressing on the wound and putting cream 3 times a day, and I can avoid the horrific sight of the shingles and of course the itchiness and pain that comes with it sometimes. But somehow, deep inside me hopes that the shingles wouldn’t cure that fast, that’s because the faster the wound cures, the faster it would mean for me to go back to the hospital for the next chemotherapy (which I guess should be next Monday)… talk about the irony.

But having this super long break in between chemotherapy because of the shingles somehow… hmm how should I describe it… perhaps the word guilty would be best to say it. It feels like seeing an old lady trying to cross the street or a blind man standing in a bus while you’re sitting comfortably on a chair, you know the right thing to do is to help them, but yet somehow you don’t dare to do it because you are afraid of what others think about you and you’re focusing more on your own comfort. Well, for me I don’t think I care less about what others think about me since I am just going to the hospital and not like anyone is seeing me or anything, it’s more of the comfortable part. I know that I must go back to the hospital for chemo so that I would be able to have a higher percentage for a full recovery, but yet somehow I just want to stay comfortable at home, sleeping, playing and slacking at my own pleasure and time. ARGHhh! Good things just doesn’t come easily I guess.

The last red drug that I took, plus the stress of the shingles (I think) has made me completely bald once again, and after a month or so of growing (which I think it wouldn’t even grow more than a millimeter) I think it would drop again when I take the blue drug. It would be a good thing though, that means I don’t need to waste the nurses effort to change the hospital bed sheet everyday because of the hair that drops everywhere, and that would mean that I could sleep later in the morning and not get disturb by them as I don’t need to move because of the changing of bed sheets.

The chemotherapy this time is really testing my self-control too. For example, I really like to drink coke, but the last time I tried that drink it made me really nausea. So I was like regretting and telling my mom how I won’t drink that poison anymore. But not too soon, the next time I went out to eat at a restaurant and had the chance to order anything I want, I would tend to order coke again, thinking that perhaps this time would be different. But yeah, it wasn’t any different than the last time. Ughh…

Hmm… perhaps going to the farm wasn’t all that bad. Dad gave me the chance to drive back a short distance so I get to brush up my driving skills a little. But I almost ended up getting everyone killed instead, ha-ha. Okay, maybe it’s not a laughing matter or anything to boast about, but I thank God for the many times which He protected me from all these accidents, knowing how bad my driving is, and I think the number of chances are running thin, too. But still, thank God for His grace and mercy in protecting me from near accidents after near accidents. It seems to me like every time I drive, something like this would definitely happen… talk about my lousy driving. Well, unless I am driving in some isolated area, than perhaps this would not happen, for example: housing areas… or maybe it would? Guess I got to train like everyday when I complete my treatment.

Now I guess no one wants to sit my car… IF I get the chance to drive.

Cheap Prom...

Hmmm… so who said going to a prom cost a fortune?

I unfortunately, did not have the privilege to go for my high school prom night because it was right after church youth camp, and I was dead tired during that time, so okay, skip that one.

During the 1st half of college life, Suan Aik was kind enough to let me in his band to be a bassist (which consist of Darren, an incredible drummer; Eong Xien, I must say he’s a really really good guitarist; and Ben, his vocal totally rox; and not to forget Suan Aik, another talented guitarist… no idea how they do it, they say they don’t take lessons), and somehow we manage to get a spot to perform during ICPU’s prom night, yeah, I know I am a SAM student, but a job’s a job man.

Things seem to go on fine till this fat dude appeared, he’s some ICPU big guy I guess, and he just have some anti-thingy with bands. So, when he sees us he told us that if we wanted to perform we had to buy tickets, since we are all ICPU students and it would only be fair that way. Then Suan Aik said: “No sir, I am the only ICPU student, the rest aren’t…” Then the fatty goes saying about how it’s a PRIVILEDGE to perform for the ICPU prom blah blah blah… Goodness, we pay to perform? Not like is a contest or something right?

Basically, the whole band already knows that the fatty wants us to buy tickets because he did not meet his quota of people who needs to be at the prom and he’s losing money. But even with the obvious fact, he still goes blabbering about the fact that if we don’t buy the tickets the people working in Sheraton will count more heads, which would end up they having to fork out their own money and stuff, or somehow illegal immigrants would enter because we can enter. Then he asked some cool Indian dude who was their emcee last year and also this year: "Did we let you in free last year?" (I guess he’s hoping to hear a ‘no’) But to his horror the emcee said: “Sir, you paid us 300 ringgit to be your emcees” Buahaha, really kena him man that time, then he kind of switch topics about how emcees being more important and stuff like that… I mean, the point is, if someone performs for you, you’re suppose to pay them brother, not the other way round. It was super hard just to convince him that we are not there for the food, but just to perform and get some experience performing for a crowd. We could perform and leave, but noOO, he keeps changing the topic. As if we had some evil motives behind. Bah~

Somehow we manage to settle the problem and manage to get one table for free, yay! Well, there was this other Indian band that shared the table with us, since they were performing too, but weirdly during the fatty’s interrogation we were the one that got the most out of him though. Nevertheless, we were glad that we manage to get a free table.

Just when we thought that the fatty has a kind side, we were shocked to find out that he did not prepare any music equipment for us on the prom day itself. Aiyoh, just because we did not pay for the prom don’t need lah have your revenge like that. Because of that, all of us got to use our own equipment which was suppose to be our monitor amp when we perform to become the main speakers. Imagine using 15-25 watt amplifiers to allow a whole ballroom to hear what you are playing… we thought it was impossible, but after testing out, thank God that it was sufficient, don’t need to pack our bags and leave that means ha-ha.

So, off we performed that day! Not bad for few tiny amps and my 65 watt bass amp which was put on full blast till I think it kind of spoilt because of that. Our first two songs (or was it three?) had some good reception, could see people feeling the beat to our music. But our later two songs didn’t have much feedback from the crowd, mainly because most of the people went out to take photos of their beautiful selves in Cinderella dresses and cool suits, I guess, during the later part of the prom. And who in the world would want to sit down and listen to a band during prom anyways. So yeah, we were really disappointed during the second half, but then I realize, as a band we should enjoy ‘playing’ the music, and not enjoying the woo’s and ah’s from the crowd—the attention from the people. Reminds me that when we are serving God in church as musicians, song leaders or backup singers, we should always remember we are playing the music and singing to please our Lord, not to please the people and hope they award you with some medal for being so ‘geng’ in what you do. Glorify God, not men, something I must always try to remember.

Here’s a picture from Eong Xien during that night:












Yeah, I know… I know, why all not wearing suit one! Aiyoh, I have difficulties just playing my instrument standing up, if I was wearing a suit and play, the sound that comes out would be noise not music anymore. And it would be freaking weird if all of us wear suits to play, or cool if you’re errr weird I guess. Anyway, all in all, first prom didn’t cost me anything, but it did cost lots of energy (and some money for the jam sessions) preparing for the performance and convincing the fatty to allow us to perform, for free…

My second prom didn’t cost me much either… paid 80 bucks for the SAM prom ticket, and that was all.

Well, at first I really wanted to put up a show and all by buying my own tux and perhaps go for some killer hair-do and stuff like that, you know all the hype before the prom thingy when suddenly I realize that I don’t have a date (yeah, like as if I ever had one in my life) and there’s nothing to look forward to that day, accept perhaps the food. That in a way made me decide to maybe skip the prom night, since it may end up being super boring, but being the stingy me, the 80 bucks made me think otherwise.

And because of that, I lost the urge to go out and spend big bucks preparing all the gears for prom. It was only on the evening of the prom night which I decided that I should go, because well, it could be the last day where I could meet my college mates then. Then the problem came, what in the world am I suppose to where over there, I mean, I did not go shopping man. So the scavenger hunt began…

In the end, this was what I came up with (don’t ask me what brand is it, I have no idea) [Wei Qi, me and Wai Soon in the picture]:


















Coat: Borrowed from dad
White long sleeved shirt: Borrowed from elder brother
Pants: Borrowed from elder brother
Leather Belt: Borrowed from dad
Socks: Borrowed from dad
Shoes: Borrowed from dad

Basically I borrowed everything from my dad and brother, yeah, call me cheap, but I think this is cost saving ha-ha. And anyway, most people wear their prom attire once and never use it again, having the fear that people would criticize them for wearing the same thing twice, bah, peer pressure. And yeah, really thank God that I manage to whip up a hair style correctly for once that day in 10 minutes, that was the first and hopefully not the last time I could do something like that (well, you know, no hair now ha-ha). My hair was always a natural disaster, I could never get it to the way I want it… but I think the main reason would be because I am super lazy to prepare it right, prefer sleeping through it.

There you have it, how to reduce cost for your prom night so you can afford tickets for your date that day! Well, actually I almost managed to escape paying 80 bucks for the ticket if our band managed to enter to perform during my SAM prom night, but the principle only allowed one band to perform which unfortunately weren’t us. NOT because we were terrible, but because the principle thought that each band would need its own set of equipments, which would cost a fortune for them. Only later did we realize the misunderstanding but it was too late. So, the band which had a violinist manage to get the band spot, and they did a really good job that day, problem was people were taking photos during that time, and yeah, you know what happens next… no one listens and everyone leaves the ballroom to take pictures of their pretty selves. Yeah, me and my whole class were guilty of that, too, ha-ha. Didn’t regret going for the SAM prom night, it really was the last day to meet some of my college friends, and yeah, talked a lot of crap that day. One thing though, never eat with a class that consists of engineering students. Because most of the students in the pre-engineering class were guys, the food kind of finish off way too fast. We didn’t realize how fast we were eating till we saw that our food were different from that of the other tables, one order faster than all the others beside us, goodness.

So, yeah, who said going to prom cost a fortune?

Of shingles, gastric, dreamz, and fever

Woah, last week was terrible…

Well, I had rashes at my back for quite sometime, since the last chemotherapy treatment (which is last last Tuesday), doctor said it was because of the prednisolone pills which I take daily plus the fact that my immune system has drop to an all time low. The rashes looks really terrible, but since it doesn’t itch nor hurt, I didn’t bother to visit a skin specialist or do any treatment on it, and yeah, last time I had it too, and it did go away, so why shouldn’t it this time… that’s what I thought.

So, last week something weird happen, the rashes at the back seem to have come to the front and I was starting to have a slight fever. WOahhhkay, that shouldn’t happened I thought to myself, but still did not worry too much about it. Visited the doctor again the next day of the discovery, and the doctor was advising me to go and check up with a skin specialist, just in case anything happens. Problem is, the skin doctor he recommended isn’t in the hospital during that time as he has another clinic, being the super lazy me, I decided to ‘ponteng’ the check up, since I thought the skin wasn’t much of a problem.

Then Friday came, was still having a fever and mother was getting worried, off to the hospital again we go. Well, before the doctor said anything he decided to check my rashes again, and too his and our horror, he said I had herpes (Okay, honestly speaking, I did not worry yet, mainly because I have no idea what that was, only when he said admitted I when ‘gulp’). (Chinese people call it the ‘snake’ because it actually coils around your body, and if it actually completes one circle I am dead, or so they say, urban legends?) And I had to be admitted to the hospital. Goodness, not staying in the hospital again, I dread that place, but I guess that’s a punishment for being so ignorant of checking up with a skin specialist…

*For those who want to check what herpes is on the internet, type “shingles” instead, as if you type “herpes” you will most probably get results that say it’s a sexually transmitted disease, NOOOO I did not had that. That’s because shingles are also called ‘herpes zoster’. For those who are just too lazy to check what it is, basically it’s the reactivation of chicken pox. And no, even if u had chicken pox if I want to pass it to you I can buahahaha, but if you did not had chicken pox before, then you will get chicken pox only though.

Got admitted and waited like forever again for the skin doctor to see me. Thank God that Reverend Chuah and Teacher Derek were there to keep me company awhile, and yeah, mom, too, ha-ha. Around 5 something in the evening the skin specialist came, had a look, confirmed it as shingles, prescribe antibiotic pills and how to treat the infected area with cream and bandages. I was starting to wonder why in the world must I get admitted to the hospital if it was just ‘pills’. So I asked him:

“Doctor, does that mean I can go home now?”

Doctor: “Yeah, if you want to.”

Me thinking in my head: “So what am I doing on a hospital bed =.=…”

Later the nurse told me that if it was another skin specialist that check up on me, he would definitely put me on antibiotic drips, that’s why Doctor Rudy, my hematologist doctor, asked me to be admitted. I was about to jump with joy with the fact that I don’t need to stay overnight in the hospital when Doctor Rudy told me that I better stay for one day, in case of any side effects or stuff like that and it would be a good time for mom to learn how to apply the cream and the bandages. Okay, better be safe than sorry. And as I was lying on the bed, I was like, okay, I should have just asked the nurse to prick me and get my blood instead of putting one whole chemo-pod thingy on me. Bah~ wasted…

But that night sleeping was terrible…

Not only was my shingles starting to hurt like crap, my gastric was also hurting, and I had fever, another 3 hit combo like last time (which was fever, some infection which opens a wound that couldn’t heal for some days, and ulcers in the tongue). Couldn’t sleep for the whole night, sigh. And even if I did manage to sleep, I woke up one hour later, although it seems like I had already slept for 5-6 hours. Well, guess when you’re suffering time somehow purposely slows down, and when you’re having fun, time goes super fast. Hope it could be reverse though, that way I could “seem” to get much sleep during college life even though the sleeping time was darn short.

And that’s not the worst part, when you’re having a fever, dreams tend to appear in loops (yeah, not again). (Well, I didn’t dream during the night I was in hospital with shingles though, that’s because, I couldn’t actually sleep that night) So, to those who are having fever my advice to you would be: please don’t go and watch action-packed movies or movies that you would die if you did not go and watch in the cinemas (unless the movies you are dying to watch is something that goes so slow and boring, than yeah, by all means go ahead). Watch something like “Seabiscuit”, not to say is a bad movie, it really is good, but it doesn’t have any super fast paced movements, unless erm the horses just move too fast for you. I remembered the first time I suffered a fever because of chemotherapy, I had just watched “Alien vs Predator” and “Species 2”, yeah, imagine the horror. Dreaming of being some lorry driver that has to send alien eggs to some unknown place that I can’t and never reach, having 3 annoying ‘sidekicks’ in the lorry which I have no idea come out from which movie, and even as I was thinking why the heck must I work as a lorry driver that will be soon under attack by aliens I can’t seem to get out of the dream. Okay, this time around I watched “Fast and Furious: Tokyo Drift”, it wasn’t so bad, just watching cars zoom by. Problem is, the same cars zooms by for the whole night I was sleeping, and I could only see trails of lights of the cars, can’t even see the model of the car or anything else for that matter. Talking about dying of boredom, but at least I don’t need to work or anything, just need to strain my eyes trying to know what model the car was…

Thank God the light of dawn eventually came…

Manage to able to have some sweet rest eventually when I got home, somehow the gastric pain went away, the shingles didn’t hurt so bad, and the fever could always be suppressed by panadols. Ah, but I missed all the good events that Saturday and Sunday: the worship workshop in the morning, Li woon’s gathering, Suan Aik’s farewell and a band gig on Sunday night.

Then again, being able to rest at home sweetly… after suffering so many sleepless night and pain, is more than I can ask for.

Sometimes things like these tend to make you ask God why? Why must I go through all these things? Why can’t I just be like some normal dude who goes to college or university? And before I want to ask some more whys… I remembered who can compare with God’s wisdom? He knows what’s best, maybe I wouldn’t turn away from my old ways if I didn’t have this sickness? Perhaps I would still be spiritually too weak and filled with doubts? And even if I want to start complaining about all my sufferings to God, I’ll be reminded then… how about Jesus? He suffered and died a horrible death and rose again on the third day to set us all free from sin.

And that is more than enough to thank God for everything that has happened to me.

Farewells~

I am terribly bad at farewells somehow.

Well, let’s jus say that in every farewell event I can never actually say good-bye properly.

For example, when Leena was going off to Australia sometime ago, me, my brother and Daniel were around 10-15 minutes late (unfortunately due to last minute work), which ended up that she left before we could even give her the CD containing pictures and stuff and saying a simple good-bye.

Then there was this other time when Khar Wee was going to migrate to UK and all I said was: “Oh, okay, all the best over there…” And some other basic lines where one says to another friend when he or she is going home from school. Brr, rather cold now I think of it.

And if teacher Pei Yiing and Daniel Mok did not say: “Harh, just like that only ah?” I would actually just say: “Oh, okay, bye then” on the last Sunday before Joyce went off to study, without continuing any other conversation.

Not forgetting the fact that since I was admitted to the hospital, I couldn’t give a proper farewell to Jane and all my other classmates that went overseas to further their studies, bah~

There was also this time when a primary school friend of mine transferred to another school and I did not say good-bye because I skipped school for the last week to go on a holiday with my family, and I never saw her since.

Perhaps one of the reason why I am terribly bad at farewells would be the fact that I always think I can see them again somehow, someday, somewhere. In my heart it is always like: “one year only mah… later holiday sure come back also wert…” I take things for granted too much I guess.

Ha-ha, and maybe that’s why this year I was planning to go to Australia to study quietly without telling anyone so that I wouldn’t need to bother with all the farewell stuff. But guess my plan was foiled though because of ‘unforeseen circumstances’. Well, unforeseen by human eyes that is.

But then again, if the person remembers you, then it really isn’t farewell I guess, for the person still stays in your memories and yours in his or hers. The worst part would be the fact that after the good-bye event the person actually forgets about you and knows nothing when you introduced yourself again. That’s what happened to the primary school friend, after 5 years when I finally manage to get in contact, the person completely has no memory of me, woah kay…

Thank God that He remembers us and never changes. Thinking back, I feel really guilty because when I am having so much fun and when things are just going so well, I tend to forget about God and put much of the emphasis on myself, me, me, and me. Yeah, maybe there’s the occasional thank God events but after a few minutes you focus on your own joy again. It’s really ironic that only when we are suffering that we will remember God and look up to Him the most, and that’s because we need His help then. Human’s natural behavior I guess, only looking out for ourselves. But God isn’t like us, for He still remembers us all the time because He loves us so, so very much.

Last of the Reds

Ah, just got back from another round of chemotherapy. I think this would be the last of the red ones today, although I guess I won't actually miss it ha-ha, who misses medicines man.

Okay, I must admit the reason why I am writing my blog now instead of being lazy is because I am having the problem of not being able to sleep again, side-effects of the chemotherapy, thank God it only last one day though. It's like my body is super tired, but my brain doesn't want to rest, kept dreaming of weird stuff, for instance, I was dreaming that I went to Holiday Villa for some event and wanted to park my car at the parking basement. Then there was this attendant at the bottom that told me that I can't park in level 1 or 2 but needed to park the car at the level 3 basement. Whoa Kay, easier said than done, after driving endlessly I can't seem to find a ramp going down to level 3, I can see the level 3 basement, but no way to go down. And there I was spinning round and round the parking lot till I give up and woke up, bah~ Should have done that earlier instead of wasting my time in a... dream? And there were many other irritating repeating dreams, you know, those that kind of loop non-stop and you hope you just wake up, for it's like watching endless re-runs of a terrible movies.

Oh, before I forget, got to thank my cousin Ah Ching Jie Jie so much, for the unlimited supply of Archie comics (which makes me start to wonder how in the world she manages to stack those lorry bundles of Archies in her house) and the whole season of Friends, which I know will keep me accompany and bring lots of joyous laughter for a long time. Will be saving it to watch during the 1 month period I would be staying in the hospital though, for I don't think I would be able to touch the computer then, knowing how strong that treatment would be on me.

Which makes me wonder how in the world am I actually going to survive the 1 month long treatment in the hospital. Just being in the hospital room now makes me feeling nausea and now I don't even have to stay in there for a day yet, just barely a few hours. Really needs God's strength to help me survive during that time, especially knowing how terrible it would be with the blue chemotherapy, ouchies, would make me go crazy just thinking about it. Well, the good thing of going to the hospital so often now is that I am about to have an immunity to needles soon, since I am having my blood check every other week and putting a chemo-pod every now and then which is becoming a daily routine. Although now I am actually trying to force myself to see the needle going in though, just not use to see something pricking in.

Ha-ha, was just complaining to my mom on why she cooks good food on the day I can't actually eat much food because of the chemotherapy. The fried chicken is just soooooo tempting. But I know that if I ate it I am going to suffer indigestion like for the whole night, so thank God I manage to resist this time around, ha-ha. It's like for all the previous time I had this chemo I told myself not to eat heavy food, I said I will not make the same mistake, but each time I see the good food on the table I just can't seem to resist and gobble everything to my heart's content, only to suffer later, ha-ha. Well, at least this time around I manage not to take the chicken, and also another time where I just ate bread because I felt too sick, so that's like 2 out of 8 I think. 25%... still failed the test, bah~ Hmmm, maybe that’s why we can’t really blame Eve for being tempted and taking the fruit, just one fried chicken I also cannot tahan already, what more some fruit that taste and look so good and will give you wisdom.

Oh yeah, got to thank God that now I only need to take 5 steroid pills a day instead of the usual 10, that would save me lots of time and trouble trying to take the pills after meals. Funny thing is, the doctor told me to take half from what I was taking, which is 5, but yet in his medicine prescription it says to eat 5 after breakfast and 5 after dinner, with simple calculations, that’s 10. Then there’s his nurses that says I should eat it for alternate days, which is 10 in 2 days, well, if you divide the pills by the days it would be 5 a day, but wouldn’t the pill effect actually vanish the next day if I take it alternately? I mean, I need the pills to prevent joint pains, unless the effect last for 2 days then I would listen to the nurse, but common sense tells me to take 5 a day as I don’t think the effect could last that long. So which of them is telling the right thing now?

Hmm, guess that’s all for now, all in all, thank God that I could come home and rest instead of staying there in the hospital. Need to enjoy every blessing that He gives me.

No short-cuts

Okay, decorating a blog site is no easy job, which made me think why in the world did I actually imagined to become a computer programmer or engineer during form one. Maybe I thought playing computer games and doing coding and programming were equally fun, but now I know it’s not… that kind of work gives me a terrible headache instead, ha-ha.

Many thanks to a guy or erm girl nicknamed PsyCho, which I have no idea who he or she is, but manage to fell upon this guy’s site that makes the entire html coding and gibberish language to decorate the site much easier as he made a really good interface to do what you just need to do to decorate the site. This totally eliminates the need to actually understand the Greek language of coding which is totally good, why didn’t anyone think of that? All I just need to do is click around and viola… completion!

Bah~ If it only was that easy.

But no… the site says you can make a normal looking site look a little more professional in less than 10 minutes through his interface. So I was like okay… I guess one hour will do for me… but it took me 5 hours to complete that entire thing. Okay, maybe I am just too ‘duh’ on coding and decorating backgrounds that’s why. Cause’ it took me ages just to figure out how to put a tag board, which I got it from Tracey’s site and a site counter which I took it from Joshua’s blog to put on my site. It took me many trials and errors to only have both those things situated where I want it to be.

And no… it wasn’t over yet.

The next day, my friend Kam Tong told me my tag board was at the bottom of the page even with the screen maximize =.= . WOah kay, I was sure if I had my screen maximized it would have perfectly fitted in one row… scratching my head, I figured out that’s the bad advantage of having a 19 inch screen, as mine could fit everything while his couldn’t. So I tried tweaking the code blindly and manage to end up with some positive results after many many tries, which I think Kam Tong must also be kind of frustrated especially since I needed him to check again and again how it was on his screen. So for all those 15 inch monitor people, thank Kam Tong that everything could fit perfectly in the screen now when it is maximized ha-ha. (Then again, for those less than 15 inch screen people, sorry lah, tag board at the bottom I guess, ha-ha)

Still, there are many room for improvements, like putting in wrong addresses on my links and how some fonts could only appear on my screen but while I check my blog on my brother’s computer the font becomes Ariel black instead of the original ‘croobie’ font that I put. But I think I will just leave that aside as it will be too much of a hassle just to figure it out, ha-ha.

But this ultimately reminds me that nothing good can actually come out from short-cuts. Just like Zhi-Yong said in his blog before, that many of us try to be like streams of water, always trying to find the easy way out of things. But truth is if you want something to turn out right, everything must be done the hard way. Well, maybe we can do things more efficiently to make things easier, but still to achieve desired results one must work hard to obtain it. Sometimes I hope it isn’t so, that way I don’t need to practice by doing things over and over again just to be good at it. But even Jesus Himself said that narrow is the way that leads to eternal life, ha-ha. So, that ultimately says it, no short-cuts even in our spiritual life.

On a side note, this few days I have been trying to recollect my memories. Was really glad that I manage to reconfirm one of my oldest memories with a friend… without having the need to face the embarrassment of knowing that it did not happened or I just made it up somehow, phew. Arghh, realized that as I get older I can’t differentiate between a dream and a memory inside my head, getting mixed up all inside there, ha-ha. Or perhaps the chemotherapy has put some permanent damage to my head?

Well, okay, God really has been incredibly good to me as I could relax most of the days at home, for this time treatment isn’t that heavy. Perhaps a little indigestion here and there, getting tired easily but still not too bad ha-ha. Thank God in every circumstances right? Oh yeah, another thing to thank God for would be the fact that I ‘couldn’t sleep’ during the time I was trying to decorate the new blog, ha-ha, otherwise I would never have it completed, being the super lazy me. And… speaking of being lazy, thank God that I was getting lazy to blog at the later stages otherwise I would have a tough time trying to shift my previous post one by one manually to the new site… why wouldn’t they just give some special function to shift everything automatically? And…

Okay, maybe I should just stop here, for if I want to thank God for everything, even a sea of ink would go dry as they say, ha-ha, for God really is good, all the time.

Completion!

Ah, finally!!!! FInally my task of decorating the site is complete, took me ages -_-...

Well, wanted to shift because my other blog doesnt provide as many services as good as this one i guess, keke! And i can't upload photos too, sob~

Alright, it's time i deserve my rest now... niteyz

Reunion

Yawn… was so sleepy in the morning that I wanted to ‘ponteng’ my chemotherapy today. Knowing that it is impossible, I had no choice but to wait for the dreaded call of my mom to wake me up. But… to my surprise, instead of the usual yelling, she somehow miraculously said that the appointment was tomorrow because last week I did the LP procedure on Tuesday, so the doctor said I needed one more day of rest. Okay, that was one of the best wake up calls since school days, where most of the time it goes: “Faster wake up, you’re already 15 minutes late!” Really thank God for all these little blessings, ha-ha. (Makes me sound like God’s blessing comes in different packages both big and small, ha-ha, in all things give thanks I guess)

But ‘ponteng-ing’ today, somehow makes me feel I am once again procrastinating my so called ‘work’ that I should have done, ha-ha.

Well, another thing I really need to thank God for is the ability and the opportunity to go for my high school class gathering last Saturday. It was really good to be able to see all those familiar faces and talk about those old times we had in school as well as the things we are currently doing now, which, in this case was mostly about where they’re studying, are they going overseas or how were they doing studying overseas, etc. and honestly it kind of got dull just asking that same question over and over again. So, guess I better restrict myself from asking that the next time I meet them.

Okay, and before I continue, just got to give a round of applause and a big shout of THANKS!!! to Rahayu, our PKT (penolong ketua tingkatan, in case you don’t what that means) that organized this whole thing. I know it really isn’t easy to call up and gather all 30++ hooligans to meet up on one day. Oh, and not to forget the hassle to make reservations at Shogun, which served really good Japanese food I must say and the variety is just too much to handle.

One thing about this gathering is that every one of us still looked the same as we were back then during high school. Maybe that’s because all of us stop growing, ha-ha, unlike those primary school reunions where a shorty you remembered could suddenly become some giant the next time you meet him. Well, there are some minor differences; some of us changed our hairstyle, like for me I turned mine to bald, ha-ha. But other than that, most of them were still very like them both inwardly and outwardly which brings back some nostalgic memories. There is this one thing that always amazes me though, the fact that most of my friends could now drive around freely. For those that are really alert I wouldn’t mind, but for those who I know as being super blur and careless being able to drive is like, woah! Is seems like every one has reached a new level. But guess I can’t say much about them though, as I am a much more super lousy driver, ha-ha.

Oooo and I finally manage to watch Pirates of the Caribbean 2! Man, I just got to watch the sequel after watching it 6++ times in the hospital on both Disney channel and Star Movies. At least now I am finally relieved from the questions that I had from the first movie, as most of them got answered, but in return, I just can’t seem to wait for the third sequel to be out as the suspense is killing me! Bah~

Ha-ha, guess I really got to thank God for that beautiful day, where I could hang out in 1-Utama for half a day and catch up with my friends. I can say that was the first time I walk around with my wallet in hand this whole year, which means my first outing, woo-hoo!

Okay, guess I got to go now, need to rest before I start my ‘work’ tomorrow in the hospital!