Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Laughter is the best medicine...

Hmm… really wanted to do lots of ‘normal’ stuff before my long stay in the hospital, but guess I can’t do so because of this nausea, headache and tiredness. Ah, didn’t know that just eating pills can be so hard. Thank God though, that at least I am able to sleep easily.

Well, I was reading the latest entry in Christopher’s blog and was rather encouraged by what he wrote. In fact, knowing that there are people caring and praying for me really is comforting and encouraging, it makes me feel not so alone, and that God’s watching over me even more because of all your prayers.

Talking to Chris was pretty pleasant despite the fact that we were talking about our sufferings during our stay in the hospital most of the time (something that most people wouldn’t want to talk about, since it’s all gloomy and stuff). I guess that’s because having to know that someone understands what you are going through and can relate to what you have been through is comforting. Like, how our freedom were restricted because of the drips we had; how depressing being nausea can be; how we hate vomiting; how drinking hot stuff can give us some comfort from nausea, etc. etc. It’s been a quite a while since I found someone who has experienced and can actually understand what I am going through without explaining lots of specific details (Chris had food poisoning). Example:

Someone: Hey, when you say nausea, how does it feel like?

Me: Erm… it’s like the feeling of vomiting, but not all the time you’ll vomit things out.

Someone: What??

Me: Erm… never mind (too lazy to go on further details).

Ha-ha, just kidding lah, if anyone wants to ask me anything about my treatment or what’s going on in my life just feel free to ask, I won’t push your questions aside or feel frustrated or anything like that. If my explanations doesn’t mean anything to you don’t hesitate to say: “HARH??” Yeah, you get what I mean.

Chris wrote (and some people also said) something about me being really braved going through this sickness and all, but honestly speaking, I can’t say that I am really brave, that I am charging to the front courageously, battling this disease without feeling any fear or frustration. If I were to define someone who is labeled ‘brave’, the person should be able to have a choice to either overcome his or her fears or not to do it. For instance: a young boy (say 4-5 years of age) goes over to the MacDonald’s counter to buy a Happy Meal for his younger sister who’s crying because she wants one, that’s brave, because he actually can choose not to do it, but for the sake of his sister he did it. (Woah kay, maybe that wasn’t such a good example, please leave out the thought of how he got the money to buy the meal, or why are they out at MacDonald’s without their parents, etc. etc.) Okay, a better example would be: A mother risking her life to enter a building that is on fire to save her child. Okay, she has the choice not to risk her life, but she did that for her child, now that’s brave. (Hope you guys get the idea of what I am saying).

So, anyway, like I was saying, I can’t be called ‘brave’ because it’s not like I had a choice to accept what I want to go through or not. When the doctor said it’s time for chemo, is not like I can say: “NO! I DON’T WANT!” If this was a dream, I would have definitely forced myself to wake up by now, and not linger on any longer. Or suppose I was a candidate in some survivor series (okay, either the one trap in an island/jungle or the wrestling one, take your pick), I would have given up half way through when it becomes too tough for me to handle.

Then again, perhaps the fact that I can’t quit is something to thank God for, otherwise, how could I be refine to be more like Christ if I don’t go through suffering? Being human we will naturally try to find the easiest way out of things, at best, things that require no effort on our part but maximum profit to us, even if it means through evil ways. In other words, if I have my way, I would have definitely chose to escape being refined as I wouldn’t want to suffer, but that would mean that I wouldn’t be prepared to do what God has installed for me in the future, as everything God does has a purpose. When you see it that way, then perhaps the suffering process isn’t so bad after all.

Recently when I am going through this suffering, there’s always this weird image or short sketch if you would call it, which comes to my mind that gives me some sort of relieve and comfort. Well, you guys know the story of Job right? Where the devil kind of like bet with God that Job would definitely curse God if he had to suffer so badly. So, it’s like the devil is at first laughing, saying to God: “A man will give all he has for his own life. But stretch out your hand and strike his flesh and bones, and he will surely curse you to your face.” (Job 2:4) So… if I manage to go through this whole process and not blame God or question Him on why must I go through this, and instead thank God and praise Him for everything He has done, that would mean God would win the bet right? And when God wins, He goes laughing merrily at the devil (think something along the lines like how you would laugh when you see Jim Carrey’s comedies) and say: “I told you I would win buahahahahah!!!” And the devil goes away feeling angry and frustrated. Well, somehow from that image, seeing God happy and laugh makes me want to win this battle even more. I guess that’s because as Christians, we always ought to make God smile, or better… laugh out of joy because of us being testimonies for Jesus Christ here on earth.

Then again, really thank God for laughter. For laughter is the best medicine as they say. Sometimes when I feel really down, I would watch some of my old ‘hardcore’ comedy animes to make me laugh really hard till I totally forget about my nausea. (By meaning ‘hardcore’ comedy, it’s those shows where you are better left off putting your brain at one side while watching, as if you try to even apply logic on what’s happening your brain will kinda go cuckoo).

Yeah, so, since I am already half-way there, might as well finish the race. No point giving up half-way, especially since God is always with me, why should I lose hope? And I bet it will be really satisfying when I finally reach the finishing line.

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