Thursday, December 21, 2006

1st Anniversary...

Hmm, really sorry for not posting about what happened during my treatment in the month of November… I still have a quarter more to go… but I got to post this first as the 21st of December was a significant day for me somewhat.

Though it isn’t something most people would try to remember, today is first day I got admitted into the hospital and when everything started to happen.

Last year on this present day, after checking my SAM finals on the internet, my plan for the day was actually to go to Pantai for a medical check up, not really to find out what in the world made my lymph node near my groin and neck all swollen, but to have a full medical check up report so that I could go overseas to study. After that I intended to go to Taylor’s to get my final results, certificates and all, and later to go shopping at Midvalley as I didn’t do my Christmas shopping yet.

Well, when I went to Pantai for the check up, the Punjabi doctor said that the swollen lymph node was a concern and that I must be admitted to the hospital in order to be able to determine the cause of it through further test. That point I realized something was going amidst, for the doctor had that dreadful look on his face but he didn’t said anything then, just in case he was wrong I guess ha-ha, and not to frighten me. It was really funny then, as me and mom asked the doctor if we could go to Taylor’s first to get the results, go shopping and come back later, which the doctor replied (in Punjabi accent): “No! No! Must stay in the hospital for check up, don’t go anywhere.” We didn’t know how serious it was.

So after getting a room in Pantai, I had many test done on me. From the simple blood test, to the X-ray machine, then the Ultrascan in which Jia Harng, my college mate called me just before I entered the machine. Not really sure what was going on myself, I just told him that I had a fever and all, which in the end he got scolded from all my other college mates because of a misunderstanding, as he told them I had a fever when later it was realized that I had leukemia (really sorry ya!).

Well from all the test the ultrascan was the worst…. Watching from movies and all, the ultrascan seems only like a machine where a person just goes in and the scanning process takes place, simple as that. But when I entered the ultrascan room, first of all I need to drink two yellow drinks in order for the scan to take place (thank God the drink doesn’t taste too bad). Problem is, after drinking those I could not go to the bathroom, and somehow out of all the chances I could use the bathroom, I wanted to go then. Goodness, no choice but to hold it in. After drinking that drink too I had the fever; then I did not know why I got the fever, but later I realized it was because of the leukemia, and my body was already in a critical stage though I did not know about it. Okay, after the drink it wasn’t over yet, I got to change to those freaking thin gown despite the fact that I was already shivering with cold from the fever, and later a nurse came with a huge needle which was connected to a bottle of weird stuff. My first thought was: “Please tell me this thing belongs to someone else!” Well, it did belonged to me, and that was the toner so the colors would appear in my report after my ultrascan was done. It really hurt as the toner goes into my system and my body had that weird hot flushes feeling when the liquid when inside. Only after all that, the part in which we always see in the movies take place, where a person enters the machine with a smile and everything was done oh so easily.

After that I remember having two bags of platelets entering my body in the afternoon. The nurses were saying I had dengue, I was like: “Come on, if I have dengue sure I know lah!” But then I was really tired after the entire test (and the leukemia), and did not want to argue and all. Around 4 to 6 in the evening my current doctor came in and told the news to my parents and some of my relatives who were there then (the Punjabi doctor transferred me to him as he already knew what was going on I guess), yeah, it was the first time I saw my mom and dad so worried since maybe the day I almost got drowned in some pond when I was young. The doctor also told me then, that if I hadn’t admitted to the hospital I would die as I would bleed to death. My blood platelet count was 8 while in normal human beings it is 300+. Woahkay, so that answered why I needed platelets (back then I was totally blur in what leukemia actually is). I also really thank God, as despite the fact that I was already in such a critical situation, he still preserved my life and made me feel like nothing wrong was happening, and to think that I was happily having a holiday at China just last week. Phew, thank God nothing happened over there.

One thing I really thank God then, is the fact that despite all the chaos that was happening around me, the peace of Christ was with me. From receiving the news and having the thought that I would die and all, I was glad that God, through His grace and love gave me peace, and I had no sort of fear then. Back then it was like: “Die? Then die lorh, go heaven only mah…” Now when I think about it, I really hope I had that kind of assurance once again. To have no fear in death, knowing that Jesus Christ has already freed me from the curse of both sin and death.

Guess that’s all I remembered during the 21st of December. After that it was a long journey for me, but as they say, it was just a blink of an eye when time flies, and God has lead me through one year in just a flash. Really thank God for all He has done.

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