Hitting 20...

“So, how are you feeling now that you’ve reached 20 and not being a teenager anymore?”

“Heh… I feel very old somehow…”

Well, that was a question asked to me by myself, and it kinds of summarized how I feel of reaching my birthday yesterday. Somehow I still just can’t take in that I am 20 years old… and I thought only females have the problem of admitting their real age.

Time just passes too quickly… and back then I can’t believe I always wanted time to pass as fast as possible: when I was young and still not schooling, I couldn’t wait to be older as I wanted to go to school like my elder brother; when I was 8-9 I still remembered I wanted to be 10 years old as quickly as possible in order to use a stationary set (in which I couldn’t wait then as it seemed to take forever); besides that during primary school I wanted to be 18 so I could watch violent movi… err… I mean, able to enter the club gym and use their equipments (then again, though I have already reached the age limit, I have never used the gym).

But during secondary school, I started to not want time to pass quickly anymore. Well, I guess one reason was because I dreaded to take the PMR and SPM exams then, tsk tsk, and then there were some group of friends that were so fun and I didn’t want to part from that class. Of course, there are still some reasons in which I wanted time to pass quickly like learning how to drive at 17 or going to college (or when classes are just so freaking boring), but it wasn’t that great of a feeling compared to the younger days. It was more like you are thinking: “aiyah, how good it is to be 17-18” but then after 30 seconds you forget about it and go on with the thing you were doing.

Hmmm, now that I think about it, perhaps the one reason why nowadays I always have this “don’t want time to pass by quickly” thought is because I don’t have anything to look forward to and distract me. During the schooling days, there are a lot of things to look forward too and you just want time to pass by like Saturday movie outings, class trips, getting by boring classes, hoping weekend comes to go to the cyber café, praying that tuition classes ends before the teacher finds out you are sleeping, youth camp, the long holidays, etc. Of course, occasionally there are times when you want time to stop like when you’re enjoying your term break and don’t want to go back to school again (or perhaps you want it to go by quickly so that you can meet your friends at school again, which I seldom have; miss friends, yes, but miss school? No way!) or at the end of the year during Christmas when you start thinking how a year has gone by so fast. With all the activities it leaves you no time to think about how time just goes by like that. Hmmm... hoping now that I can start doing those activities again so I won't need to keep thinking that I am old ha-ha!

Sigh… going to really miss the days when I could act foolish and actually not feel stupid. Now I must watch and makes sure I look mature enough so the younger kids won’t go “what kind of kor kor is this” (though I doubt I will be called kor kor though, maybe uncle seems more like it). That, and the fact that when I actually finish my treatment I need to start bearing many different responsibilities which I never wanted to. Whenever I see my friends studying so hard for university it makes me think: “Wah! Where are the good old days when we study only during the last second?” But then I remembered that we aren’t that kind of teens anymore, and have actually started to think more maturely. Ha-ha, not that it’s a bad thing, in fact that’s the attitude that everyone should have when they are still schooling, but it does make me feel how we have change. Maybe that’s what makes a youth anyway, people that makes all the dumb mistakes so you wouldn’t make them anymore *chuckle*. Sigh, being a kid sure is nice.

Thank God that at least this year I can stay at home and relax on my birthday! Last year I got admitted to the hospital on the very day it was my birthday. And the year before that I had a gum ulcer and couldn’t enjoy eating though it was my birthday then ha-ha!

Ah, then again, pill eating starts today, praying to God that I won’t be feeling that bad throughout the entire week. Oh, and thanks once again to everyone that wished me!

Finally, always wanted to say this to myself:

“Happy Birthday dude”

P.S: Thanks Darren for waking me up from my sweet sleep in the morning on my birthday! Nah, thanks for the call and greeting me all the way from UK, ha-ha.