Saturday, January 13, 2007

3rd Yellow chemo...

Just got back home today and although I have already said this one too many times, but still I am going to say it again… there’s no where better in the world than home.

Staying in the hospital for the past 4 nights was terrible, although I must admit it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was, and I have God to thank for that. Still, the fact that the chemotherapy treatment this time around last 24 hours really is a torture, and the thought that I must go through this whole treatment in another 2 weeks or so is down right disappointing. This yellow chemo is the cause of all my nausea (starting from this chemo last year, I always felt nausea whenever I go for a treatment), and it really is frustrating as it keeps making me want to vomit; I am hungry but I can’t eat the food that I want as I cannot digest the food properly and the fear of throwing up keeps haunting me; sleeping isn’t all that good either as dreams will keep disturbing me and a slight disturbance in the room would make me awake and I need to go through all the trouble to force myself to sleep again.

Well, I really thank God for being able to stay at home as in the hospital I feel totally “trap” due to the fact that I am constantly on drips. Really troublesome as going to the toilet to throw up or do my business becomes really a hassle. At home the air seems fresher; a burden seems to be lifted up from me; and the best part would be there wouldn’t be any nurses or hospital staff who would disturb me while I am asleep.

Then again, suffering isn’t all that bad of a thing. It allows me to cherish and thank God for the many little things in life. For example: I really thank God during the times when I could actually eat food without fear of throwing up and also thank God for the times when I could just sleep so easily when I am tired unlike now. If I am healthy, who cares about those kind of stuff? It’s something so common and normal for most people anyway. And most of the time I take those simple stuff for granted, for instance: preferring to sleep really late at night when I could sleep early.

Ah, now I just hope that God would cure my nausea as fast as possible, as I really want to eat something tasty before I go back in the hospital again. Nando’s Chicken, KFC and pan mee ‘gon lou’ are the few food that I must try before I reenter the hospital. Drooling now, but sigh, can’t eat any as if I throw up while eating those food I will have a phobia of them forever.

Still, thank God for everything!

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