Chinese New Year Post...

Woah kay, HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR! Though I can’t really feel the holiday ‘feel’ due to the fact that I totally lost track of time since going through treatment (the reason will be explained later in this post), yet I must say this few days spending at home has been really enjoyable.

Hmm… it’s been a week plus a few days since I got discharged from the hospital, didn’t update sooner as like I said, was too engross on enjoying my time at home. God has been really GOOD!

I really thank God for lots of things. First of all would be the fact that I didn’t get the sore mouth side effects. During my treatment at the hospital I was going “Oh No!” as I felt the mouth cell lining slowly deteriorating, meaning that sooner or later it will start bleeding and it’s going to be really painful. Thank God that as I got discharged and stayed at home the sores didn’t appear, and because of that I could really relax and enjoy my time at home. Besides that, need to thank God that the nausea didn’t lasted for weeks like last time but only just a few days since the time I got discharged. Without those two side effects it meant that I could eat anything to my hearts content… Ah, what joy of eating unlimited food…

Don’t know why though, but whenever I have the second round of yellow chemo, the side effects won’t be as severe as the first. The last time I had the yellow chemo it was the same thing, terrible the first time, not too bad the second time around. Hmm… but the doctor usually reduce the dosage of the chemo whenever I take it the second time because he says it’s too much for me to handle, and if he uses the same dosage I might get knockout instantly.

Then again, maybe the doctor did not intend to reduce the yellow chemo dosage this time but he did so anyway because he got the wrong blood report.

Yeah… wrong blood report…… WHAT IN THE WORLD???

It is freaking scary to know that there are mistake like this made in the hospital. This time though, I cannot say it’s the doctors fault for the person who produce my blood report was at wrong. Instead of faxing the latest blood report to the doctor, he gave him the previous one instead… the one where I was admitted to the hospital because of the low platelet count and all (no wonder the count looks so familiar). So, obviously my blood count would be lower than normal as that blood test was taken right before I was discharged from the low platelet count incident. Because of the low count, he decided to give me a lower dosage just in case my body collapses as it is too weak.

Well, it was only much later that the blood report dude or dude-dess realized his/her mistake and fax the doctor the latest report, which reported that my blood count was like any average guy. But since I was already undergoing the yellow chemo on the bed, the doctor just told me that it was alright. If he told me that I need to do another chemo, I would have definitely gone berserk there and then, as I really dread that chemo which lasted for a day. Just thinking of it makes me want to vomit.

So, that may be a good thing as perhaps of the low dosage I didn’t get the side effects as bad as before or maybe it was because I had more pholinic acid (don’t know how to spell ha-ha) which prevents the side effect; then again it may be bad as a lower dosage may mean that the chemo will not be doing what it is suppose to do at it’s best with that kind of dosage. Whichever the case, I guess it’s up to God’s grace in the end. Despite the fact that there may be many different reasons on why the side effect wasn’t so bad this time, I know one thing for sure -- it is definitely due to God’s grace that I didn’t need to suffer the side effects so badly this time, and it is only by His grace that I hope the low chemo will not jeopardize the treatment.

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So… why did I say I don’t feel the holiday ‘feel’ anymore? Basically since I don’t go to work or school or have any responsibilities (except going back to the hospital on due time and eating the right number of pills everyday), everyday becomes the same day to me, everyday IS a holiday, and that made me completely lost in time somehow; maybe besides Sunday when I have to go for church and later to my grandmother’s house for dinner that I break my routine every once in a while. Of course, if somehow someone can trade his school time with me and I trade my treatment time to him I would definitely agree, going through chemo is just not worth for all those holidays, ha-ha. Some may say that having a super long holiday may seem super bored, but to me, being able to have a holiday at home and not going to the hospital is already more than enough, so I never get bored, as it is much better than going there.

Getting lost in time also made me feel that somehow I am still 18, and it seems like I haven’t grown matured at all as I have lost contact of the world since I stayed indoors most of the time. Yeah, you may say that I can go online and read about the latest hype around, but reading and actually seeing it outside with your own eyes is two very different things. To me, it seems like I am still stuck in time, that the holiday I am having after college and before university seems to be just very long.

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Ah, but I must say it was pleasant today as I was healthy and strong enough to play DoTA at a cyber café (yeah, who said you only must be strong and healthy to play sports and not computer games) with my younger bro, Zhi-Yong, Noel, and Daniel, and winning all the matches with all of us being in one team. It’s been a year plus since I entered one, as most of the time I will pass out on the offer being too tired all the time from the treatment. Playing today reminds me of the times during college where me and my classmates go for our “club” where our sole activity was playing at the cyber café every Friday after lessons. Saying that it was a “club” was a good idea as it allows us to escape all those talks about stress, managing time, BGR (by telling our teacher we have club activities) which was always held on Friday in college somehow and which our homeroom teacher kept encouraging us to attend till we got afraid of it. Though our ‘club’ did attend one of the talks at the end, as I think back I feel really guilty for not attending the other talks due to our “club”.

Ha-ha, but then again, it seems like we are pretty sad people who plays DoTA during Chinese New Year and not spending it visiting our relatives of friends… hmmm… or maybe since we are playing together it is like having some sort of fellowship… though most of the time we go:

BACK BACK! B LAH!

ATTACK LAH, DUN SCARE, ATTACK!

STUN LAH, WHY DUN WANT STUN!

FASTER SPIN FASTER SPIN! WHERE YOU SPINNING TO! … haiyoh….

ZUES! ZAP! WRATH! SHOOT LIGHTNING! DO SOMETHING!!!!

WHY U KS?!!!!

[Hero’s Name] MISSING!!!!!

DUN RUN LAH WHY U SO CHICKEN?

Yeah, I guess there isn’t much conversation at all ha-ha… still we had a really fun time I guess, woot!