Saturday, May 13, 2006


Bah~ Going to the hospital again tomorrow, normally it would not be such of a big deal, but somehow I am kind of scared this time to get readmitted. Probably because I know how this chemo-treatment will affect me badly, vomiting and the sores at the lips, ughh.

Only God can save and heal me now as I am 100 percent sure that there's no way humanly possible I could actually stop the negative effects from happening. I am able to withstand the sore lips as that's just, err, pain, but I just can't stand the vomiting and nausea part, it's just... terrible... I must say, ha-ha. Don't like that feeling. Another reason that I am scared is because I haven't actually recovered from the nauseatic feeling since the last treatment; don't know what's taking so long to heal it.

Then again, today's church anniversary was really a big encouragement and I was really glad that I could attend it. Well, I know that many relatives, church members and friends are constantly praying for me, but today during the church anniversary I could really see how some church members actually pray so earnestly for me, was really encourage by that. Well, before the event started Aunty Magdalene shared her testimony with me, and then Pastor Lai also came and prayed for me. And after the anniversary, Pastor Thomas Chin and his wife prayed for me at home. Somehow I was really glad to see the pastors (Pastor Lai and Pastor Thomas Chin) as I don't get to see them often. Ha-ha, God really sends many people to look after me after all, to share my burdens together with me and lift up my spirits when I am down.

I don't know if I got this right, but I remember Pastor Lai telling me today that I would be an instrument of God through the healing, as God has a purpose in everything He does. Well, I totally agree with that, God does everything with a purpose, although somehow our foolish human minds just can't seem to understand it all at first, but God's will is the perfect will. Well, I guess I would be able to use this whole experience of the healing, to tell the world (or maybe I start with my circle of friends first, ha-ha) of how wonderful God's love is to me. But even if the healing doesn't happens at the expected time, in all things, I guess we got to still trust in the Lord, for He knows what's best for us, although it may be hard to take in at first, ke-ke.

In some ways, it seems like I am forever in a debt to God for the healing and to thank His love for me, I would need to fulfill the purpose that He has for me to do. Then again, thinking about it, all of us believers are somehow forever in a debt to God, for He sacrificed Jesus, His one and only Son, to die on the cross to set us free from sin and death. And no matter how much 'good deeds' we do, we could never pay God back for that sacrifice or save ourselves from our own sins. But through God's grace and mercy, we could live each day knowing that we are save by faith in Christ Jesus and not by works. And there's no more debt to pay through His grace. Imagine what would happen to us if we need to strive for our own salvation.

Thus, to thank God's wonderful love for us, shouldn't all of us strive to work hard for Christ in joy and love?

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