Terrible...

Having your immunity suppressed really is… terrible.

This is the first time in 20 years that I got flu… while I am still having flu.

Well, you know when your flu is about to get well when it starts turning sticky green instead of the white watery liquid that constantly flows out, right? Apparently since my immunity was suppressed, a complete recovery that should take around a few days when that sticky green stuff appears took more than a week. I guess during this long recovery time I somehow got another flu from someone (since everyone seems to be having cough and flu this few days) and my flu turned into the white watery liquid again… which means my body had to start from square one to recover… bah~ Not only that, I guess the infection spread and left me coughing a little.

Thus, I have been suffering flu for 3 weeks and I guess it will continue for a few more days. When to the hospital doctor 2 days ago because I couldn’t afford to let my body’s immunity system do all the recover by itself (when you rub your nose so much that the skin seems to wear off and it starts bleeding, you know your body needs help)… didn’t wanted to eat any medication at first as I was afraid it may interfere with the chemotherapy pills, and who would expect a simple flu could last this long.

The flu not only attacked me physically but mentally too. I was starting to get really paranoid, thinking that I may have a relapse and all seeing that my body was getting tired easily again and thinking that my lymph nodes were getting swollen, which when now I think about it… duh, of course you get tired more easily when you are sick.

That was why before I went to the doctor’s clinic, I was praying really hard that it wasn’t a relapse. Some of you may think… wah, got so big of a problem or not worh? But to me I learnt that every thing shouldn’t be taken lightly, no matter how insignificant it may seem to you at first, as many things aren’t what they seem. I remembered back then, before I was admitted to the hospital for leukemia and I was still going for dance practices for the coming Asian Baptist Youth Convention then, I remembered telling my dance instructor, Ai Nah, that I may need to go for surgery as a worst case scenario to remove the swollen lymph node, but if it’s nothing serious it would just be a virus and eating pills would suffice. I happily told the entire dance team not to worry as I would only get admitted after the youth event was over if it’s a surgery. When we ended the practice and was about to leave, Ai Nah said that we should pray for the swollen lymph node. I just shrugged them off telling them: “Aiyoh, nothing lah, just swollen only mah, what’s the big deal.” At the end we did pray, but back then in my mind I was still thinking why they would pray for something so insignificant. And there you have it, the worst case scenario wasn’t a surgery but I had leukemia. Sometimes I wonder if during then I did seriously pray about it would it be any different… would it become just a viral infection instead? Nevertheless, I guess God knows best, for He doeth all things well.

Thank God though, that after the blood check in the hospital’s clinic, all my counts were normal (normal for an immunity suppressed individual that is, it’s almost like half of everything you guys have, but still safe enough to sustain me). Praise the Lord! I let out a sigh in relief, like those who just saw their exam results and found out that they manage to pass subject. The doctor prescribed me to take some antibiotic pills and assured me that it’s okay to take the flu medicines.

When we were about to leave the clinic, the nurse who was working there wanted to go to Times Square to meet up with some old friends of hers, since it already was time for the clinic to close. Well, being such friends with mom and I after a year plus, we decided to give her a ride, and being the person who would make use of every opportunity, I decided to lepak around Times Square, too.

After all these years, this was the first time I entered Times Square. My first impression of it: “Eh… why everyone say this place full of sea food smell (LaLa)? Quite class wert.”

Just then elder brother called from Aussie and even before I could start telling him how wrong his perception of the place was, I started smelling the scent of seafood after ascending a floor or two. “Wah! Like Endah Parade only!?” I said to my brother. Well, if you just stay in middle and don’t stray to the sides of Times Square, you would say that it’s full of class (they even have a theme park! So why not!), but when you start straying to the sides… aiyoh… really… like pasar already. The majority of people I could see there are either secondary school students that just finish classes (or ponteng) and tourist, I guess it isn’t that good of a shopping destination compared to Midvalley and other places which I guess the local shoppers know it, I could be wrong though, but the thought of having to travel so high up just to see different shops and the pasar borong feel makes me think otherwise. So after having lunch in some Hong Kong fast food restaurant, I had to rush back for guitar lessons.

I guess the paranoid issue won’t be gone so easily, and would the thought of relapse might pop up every now and then to scare me… till like maybe 5 years plus which normally is the time period where a cancer is considered cure. Then again, in the world, there are no guarantees. The only guarantee in the world is in Christ. I wouldn’t say that having this thought of a relapse haunting me is a bad thing, on the contrary, it always reminds me that my life is in God’s hands, that I am not as in control as I thought I was. Thus, humbling myself down, knowing full well that God is in control. Besides… it makes me treasure every day even more… just being able to live another day normally never seem so good and special.

Alright, time to eat my flu medicines. Don’t know why, but whenever I eat it, it makes me sleepy but at the same time my brain is so active as if I am rushing for a train or something. The contradiction is… terrible.